- Anti Joke

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

So there we were, climbing Mount Kjerag and we take a break. So I decided to tell you a joke. "Isn't this nice, just hanging around? See it's funny because we're suspended over 1000 metres in the air by our harnesses, except that you're not because I cut yours and now you're falling and you're gonna die." But I had done all that before I told you the joke so you didn't hear me and now I'll have to cut my harness and try to catch up to you so I can repeat myself. Great job, ya prick.

What do you call a something with no limbs? a snake

If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I'd most likely have no money as I would spend it all on cocaine.

One Direction???? Gifted singers???? HA HA HA

::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

Q: What did the black guy say to the white guy? A: Nothing, he's a mute.

okay so three men are in a plane ( this is the type of plane you can open the windows) so the stewardess goes up to the first man he asks for a gun she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window he confused but he does it anyways the stewardess goes to the second man he asks for a beer she agrees but he has to throw it out the window hes confused but he does it anyways the stewardess walks up the the third man he asks for a pack of C4 she agrees but hes gotta throw it out the window without hesitation he gets it and throws it out the window. so they land and the first man sees a women crieing i was walking down the street and got hit in the head by a gun and arested for being armed the second man sees a hobo cheering loudly hes says he was sleeping in the ally and it started raining budlight the third man shes a women hysterically laughing she says i was going to work and spilled my coffe then my house blew up!

What is worst than your girlfriend's mother?? Osama Bin Laden's One

Godilla walks into a bar. There were no survivors.

Two lions are walking down the street. One lion says to the other, "where is everybody?"

What do a mole and an eagle have in common? They both can fly except for the mole

Why did Jimmy burn the American flag? He was Canadian.

what is the coolest thing in the world? hashtag swagbag yolo

Why did the chicken cross the road? To suck my dick

What is black and white and red all over? Interracial sex partners with smallpox.

Why was the old man climbing the flag pole? Because he had Alzheimer, and he was losing his grasp of reality.

a man walks into a library Who the hell reads

So this drunk guy pokes this girl. 4 months later she has a misscarrage

How do you confuse a blonde? Explain the concept of time travel.

why did the man have an axe in his car he kills children with it

Why did the boy die of Cancer? Because I took some radioactive chemicals and hen I feel like it I beat him with it.

how many blondies were at the mall? none they were too busy trying to find the sun.

Yo momma is so stupid that the only test she passed was the mental retardation test.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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