What do you call thousands of people running through london? The marathon

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How do you make a Hispanic man sad? Answer: steal everything he has until he has nothing

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Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Why are hurricanes named after women? They're wet and wild when they come and take your car and house when they leave.

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What is brown, creamy, and tastes like gravy? gravy.

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If you throw a red stone in a blue lake what does it become? Simply a wet stone.

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Q: Why didn't the bunny eat the carrot? A: The bunny didn't have any carrots. Poor bunny.

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What's worse than finding a real joke on anti-joke? Getting voted down to page 4067

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Q. Why dont people like rian mcreesh ? A. Because he smells bad and gives off a creepy vibe ...

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Why did the dish run away from the spoon? None of them ran neither one has legs

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Why did they use the phone as a football? Because it was a phone-ball.

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Why wasn't the white guy voted for president? He had down syndrome

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A: Knock Knock B: Who's there? A: The Police. We have a warrant for your arrest.

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What happened to the blonde who blew out her birthday candles? Her hair caught on fire

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What starts with S and end in H-I-T? shit.

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why did the bear cross the road? to get cream cheese.

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What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong WALKS on the moon. Michael Jackson rapes little boys

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what do you call an anoying ginger? jimmy overby

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Two scientists walk into a bar, the pair walk up to the counter and the first scientist says, "I'll have some H2O." The second scientist says, "I'll have some H2O too." 10 minutes later, the second scientist dies.

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-Hey cute blonde! -I'm not blonde.. -Nor are you cute.

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Dan walked into a jelly fish

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An astronaut walks into a bar. He orders a beer. After waiting for about 1 and a half minutes he receives his beer. The bartender says it was 3 dollars. The astronaut checks his wallet and finds no money so he pays with credit card. The bartender swipes his credit card but the card doesn't work. So the astronaut takes out his debit card. When the bartender swipes the debit card it worked. In relief the astronaut looks at the bartender and says "Thank you" and then goes home.

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what's the difference between a dolphin and a ghost? dolphins aren't ghosts!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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