why did the man pee in public? ... he couldnt hold it in.

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sally has no arms knock knock who's there not sally

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My mom was telling my brother how much it hurt when she stubbed her toe. He told her she should try child birth.

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Why do Jews have such large noses? Hereditary genetics.

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One time i was sitting down

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Why did children rejoice when Michael Jackson died? Because they were at a birthday party, and only heard about his death afterward.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding worms in your stool.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Bill: Knock, Knock. Sean: Who's there? Bill: It's your neighbor, Bill Walters, from across the street. Sean: Oh, hey Bill, how are you and Margie? Bill: Oh, I'm doing fine, but Margie just got out of the hospital for a broken arm. Sean: My gosh, what happened. Bill: She was just loading the Halloween decorations down from the attic while I wasn't home and fell. She's fine though; it was only a minor fracture. Sean: Well thank goodness she alright. Bill: Anyway, I came over to return those hedge clippers I borrowed from you last month. Sean: Oh, thank you. How did they work? Bill: Just great once I gave them a coat of oil. It was a big job... I haven't trimmed those bushes in three years. Sean: Yeah, these clippers have belonged to my grandfather, father, and me. Bill: Darn, thats quite amazing, I wish I could get a pair of those, but I doubt they still make them. Sean: I'm pretty confident they don't, but you can borrow these anytime. Bill: Thanks Sean thats very generous of you. Sean: No problem, I almost never use them myself. Well I better get back to Jeanie...I'm helping her make dinner. Bill: Alright, Well thanks again.

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HOW TO RE-AD : FOR DUMMIES. (HELLEN KELLER ADDITION)

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your mummas so ugley that it looks like it court fire and your family put it out with forkes

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a man walks into a bar. it was a metal bar. his balls hurt.

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Kid: "Tell me about when you were young, Grandpa." Grandpa: "Oh, sonny, those were crazy times. My friends and I were out of control. We used to give each other wet-willies and funny arm. We'd play dandy-balls and legs-a-spread and penis-butt." Kid: "Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa. " Grandpa: "It was gay. Everyone was. But, back then, we were called pole-fancies. It was real, good old-fashioned "grab the nearest tree and hold on for dear life" gay, not today's fancy, featherbed, thread-count gay. People got hurt back then! Kid "That's gay." Grandpa: "Yeah, it was pretty gay "

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Thumbs up if u dont have aids:)

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what do you get when you cross a puma and a turkey? A horrible abomination of life that begs to be killed.

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Brandon Bass's career average for assists is 0.7 a game. guess what his nickname is bassy

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What's worse than tornadoes in the USA? Earthquakes in Japan.

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Why did Quinn yell at his group project partner? Because he hated him.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Vacuum, purple, zebra.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was a busy highway it was hit before making it to halfway.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 cantaloupe.

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What part of a vegetable are you not supposed to eat? His wheelchair.

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What did the boy with no legs get for Christmas? A nice sweater.

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There are only three kind of people: people who can count and people that can't count

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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