What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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How long does it take jimmy hoffa to screw in a light bulb? A: Jimmy Hoffa is dead and incapable of screwing in a light bulb, however if you change the tense of the question to "how long WOULD Jimmy Hoffa HAVE TAKEN to screw in a light bulb" then the approximate answer would be around 1 1/2 minutes if Mr Hoffa had proper dexterity an motor control that was comparable to the average human.

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Why did the boy let go of his red ballon? Because he was hit by a car

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Why did Obama give a speech? Because he is the president and people look up to him

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed 1 fell off and broke it's skull. Momma told the doctor and the doctor said,"Your a bad mom."

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What's the difference between a man and a woman? The latter has two additional letters added to the beginning.

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What does a shortstop do when the ball is by third base? He leaves the field to go to the hospital, his little sister just had a heart attack.

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a brick cheats on another brick the brick finds out and dose nothing because it is a brick

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What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? He said : "where's my tractor?!"

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What is better then fisting? Fisting with a metal studded glove

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Why didn't Josh go to school? On his way to school, a majestic flying homeless man hit him in the head with a sea cucumber.

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roses are red violents are blue your dad is gay soon it all be you !

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm a skitsofrantic, and so am I

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thomas the train walked up to an old man and said nothing. mostly because trains cant walk, and they cant talk.

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why was Lucy fat? Her BMI was over the recommended average.

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whats got two legs and cant walk a paraplegic

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MURRRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Knock. Knock. Who's there? Banana. Banana who? Are you mentally handicapped? Bananas are fruit.

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There are two fish in a tank and one says to the other, "how do we drive this thing?"

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If a tree fell in the forest, and no one was around to hear it, would you like a cupcake?

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whats better then a pile of dead babies? 2 piles of dead babies

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Why did the little girl fall from the swing? She's got no arms.

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Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

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Roses are blue Violets are red I'm bad at poetry Potato

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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