Why didn't Michael J. Fox feel the Virginia earthquake? He was on vacation in Maui.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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hold the planet Dumb ass well I'm doing something else right now dumb ass

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Why did you chicken cross the road? C u n t.

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Bitch

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Three irishmen walk into a bar...every day, and then stay until it closes.

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How do you creep out a clown? Pet him softly and call him kitty kat while making a guttural sound that is not socially acceptable in mainstream American society.

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PhilosopherCon: "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?" "Why?"

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A clueless chicken walks into a bar. Now being cooked on the BBQ.

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What is the same about a Duck and a Pickle? Neither of them can ride a bike.

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Barny the purple dinosaur has no imagination, stuck his finger up his ass and called it masterbaition!

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What do we call Osama? Osama

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what do u call a gay guy? Marlin Stein and Bryan Carboni

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How many Mexicans can you fit in a Smart car? None. It's too damn small!

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Jesus. Jesus who? You're going to hell.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting eaten alive by midgets with down syndrome

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Three baby seals walk into a club...

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What's worse than 1 bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust.

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Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

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When the sun goes down... Most of the guys pants goes down too. Just be straight XD

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What did the mexican firefighter name his 2 children? Jose and Juan.

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Why did the accident happen? The breaks on the car stopped working. Why did the breaks stop working? The driver was drunk.

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lets bomb africa

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Q: Why did the Little girl fall off the swing set? A: She was Shot in the face.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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