A man walks into a bar with a pack of Marlboros and promptly starts to light a cigarette. The bartender rushes over to stop him. "Hey! We don't allow smoking in here chump! Take it outside." The man replies with a big grin on his face. "Oh no sir. These ain't no ordinary cigarettes. My granddad gave me this pack a decade ago on his death bed." He pulls it out and shows the bartender 19 stale smokes. "He told me that any who took a single drag off any of them would have their biggest wish come true." the man recalled. The bartender had a perplexed look on his face and yelled "What the f*** are you talking about? Get out of here before I curb check your a**!" The man was then hastily escorted out by security. He then died 4 days later from autoerotic asphyxiation.

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Roses are red. Violets are blue.

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What is the difference between a jew and a pizza? Well, a pizza is edible object provided for human consumption, and a jew is a holy human being believing in the prophet abraham.

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Knock knock I'M IN THE BATHROOM !!

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Mr. Krabs lives in bikini bottom (pinch pinch)

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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Looks like this is a *puts on sunglasses* Pair of sunglasses

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What's the difference between heaven and hell? Hell likes you more.

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An orthodox rabbi, a Methodist preacher and a Muslim Cleric walk into a bar and blow that month's tithings on video slots.

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What happened to the boy with cancer? He died.

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My dog dumps in my house she looks at me and says rut row

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What happened to the woman who walked down a dark alley way? She found a lolly.

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Why was the white man's girlfriend a whore? Because she engaged in sexual relations with a multitude of other men.

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why are there so many peadofiles in the world? sexy kids.

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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Nothing, it's still a dinosaur! Her sexual orientation is regardless. ~kyle hudson

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because a black man was chasing his dinner.

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Lollies are sweet warheads are sour, open your legs and feel my power

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Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

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A man walks into a shop and picks up some items for his party. He walks out of the shop without paying for the items. The police are promptly called and the man receives a 4 year sentence in prison for shoplifting.

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How many women can fit on a bus? It depends on the size of the bus.

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At first I was at the party and I was like YOLO!! But then I got pregnant and was like yolo....

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Knock, knock. Who's there? George. George who? Oh sorry, I thought this was number 52. my mistake.

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Whats worse then finding a winning lottery ticket? Probably Everything

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops