Knock knock! Who's there? Your mother. Oh, hi Mom! Come in!

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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im a policeman the car infront of me had a foot hanging out of the trunk. i pulled him over. i closed the trunk and proceeded to inform him of the dangers of open trunks.

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A watermelon, a cherry, a mango, and a peanut are sitting at the table for dinner. They are all eating chicken wings and watching the superbowl between the Packers and the Patriots. What is wrong with the situation? Well two things are wrong, cherry's cannot communicate with peanuts because they speak different languages(obviously). And the patriots fucking suck.

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Why was the black man picking cotton from the backyard? Because he enjoys gardening as a hobby, and prefers to do it every Sunday, after work.

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Dimes are silver Pennies are brass Why does your face look like an a**

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Biggest lie in America: Sorry, that was my last stick of gum.

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Three Jews walked into a bar. I lied... it was a gas chamber.

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"Why is Barney purple and green?" "Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way"

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Why did the old man fall down the stairs? Because he wanted to impress his wife.

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How do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot.

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A man walks into a bar, he realizes he has no money and leaves

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Whats worse than the Holocaust. Nothing the Holocaust was the single worst thing to happen ever.

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Sharing means caring, Caring is socialism

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What did Stephen Hawking say to a prostitute? Push me, and then just touch me, Till I can get my, Satisfaction.

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Whats worse than a dead baby? Two dead babys.

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Why can't Bin laden drive because he's dead

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whats yellow and very big? I dont know. no one will tell me

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Why is it a bad idea to stand in a thunder and lightning storm with a metal rod? Because you will get wet from the rain.

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what did the cripple, the cancer guy, the blonde, and the blackguy have in common they all have no reason to live

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What do you call most people over 50 who aren't married. Divorced

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Why did Mary fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, knock? Who's there? Not Mary.

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What's worse than someone posting a number on antijoke ? Someone posting about what's worse than the holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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