What do you call a giraffe driving a car? A danger to society.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

a woman gives birth at the hospital in china and then the doctor comes in and says doctor- i have good news and bad news for your baby mother-what is it doctor- bad or good mother-bad doctor-the bad news is that the baby is a girl and the good news is that your baby has cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the boy born with cancer get for christmas? ... More cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why can't Sally use the swings? Because she has no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there?? ... Not Sally.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's your star sign? Cancer. Oh you're gonna die. AWKWARD.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the Ethiopian get for Christmas? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A black man, a white man and an asian man jump off a building, which one will land first? Due to the equivalence principle, they will all land at the same time.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

It's raining, its pouring, the old man is snoring. He bumps his head, and is quickly rushed to the ER for serious head trauma

thumb_up thumb_down +16

hi, my name is zack, i have a boner from the girl to my right(;

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A blonde goes in an electronic store. She buys a TV and leaves.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

-I have an idea! Let's play twenty questions! -Alright! But i have to warn u I have piss running down my leg

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Whats worse than 10 dead babies in a bag? 1 dead baby in 10 bags

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was curious about something that had diverted his attention.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what did the cop say to the robber... freeze bitch hope you like prison food and penis

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What has three legs, 6 notches, 8 wheels, is beige, has cancer, and is severely burnt? I don't know.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Jebron Lames.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Where does a one-legged waitress work? Wherever she can get good health insurance.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

your mother is so fat that she probably watches her calorie intake every day

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Can you get me a stapler,but make sure it has staples or else I won't be able to staple anything

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A sociopath and his neighbors dog. He got one of those huge dogs the other day, and it took a crap on my lawn, so I put up a wanted poster 50000 dollars Wanted Dead Or Alive, and that dog smells and bites... It did not work, so I took my neighbor out hunting, I shot his dog, "Said sorry I thought it was a moose" He replied "did you have to shoot at him 15 times?" "I replied, I am out of ammo, but if you can borrow me some I can land a few extra..." Asshole got another dog, so we went out duck hunting, he asked me why I brought a hand grenade... "Land ducks, dog shaped non flying land ducks" Also I stole his office nametag and got naked and sat on a random office at his workplace and jacked off to porn, his boss showed up and said "Mr. Asswhipe, just because this is your office you are not allowed to get naked and uh... Watch... Uh private stuff here okay? I smirked and said "Dont worry Boss, its not my office!" I used glue to glue his nametag to my chest okay? He got yet another dog, I shot my neighbor, his dog starved to death, his wife was mourning and bought two dogs to comfort her. Thats okay, I just picked up both chiguguas at once and broke their neck in a single stroke, then I set fire to her house... The wind spread it on to mine... Fuck... I shot her and took her place, its the same as mine basically, just that there is a dead bitch I can fuck... I mean the woman, you think I am pervert or something? Besides you know... They are chiguguas, I mean i tried its... Its just not... You know... HEY RELAX THEY WHERE BOTH FEMALE OKAY? AND NO NOTHING FIT ANYWHERE SO I HAD TO CUT THEM OPEN AND... Moral of the story: Do not shoot the dog! Poor innocent animal! shot the owner, and then the poor innocent animal! NeroMetal, not the fucker that stole my moral system and name to make this site into some fucking cult thing... I do not cult, I you know... Kids... Dogs... Women... (I love them you fucking sicko) I give them candy (candy being my cock yeah you fellow sicko)

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops