A priest enters a bar moments after a young teen walks into the same bar. The priest scolds the teen and warns him of the possibility of arrest, alcoholism, and otherwise damaging consequences. The teen apologizes to the bartender, and much later in life, he thanks the priest.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's eighteen inches long, stiff, and makes women scream at night? A twelve inch long penis that is erect, thus adding approximately one half of its flaccid size, and involved in the act of fornication with the female partner of the man whose penis I am describing. (Of course, it is ignorant and juvenile to assume that the man in question is heterosexual. He may be a homosexual, which is perfectly acceptable in these liberal times we live in, or he may in fact be single and not inclined towards a sexual preference of any kind. This is understandable due to the myriad complications of long-term relationships, a result of the infinite differences between the masculine and feminine psyches.)

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

"What's funnier then this joke? Women's rights." *Your suggestion is contradictory considering the fact that you are implying "Women's rights" is more humorous than "Women's rights".

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Q: What is brown and sticky and often found in the grass? A: A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

whats green and slimy? green slim

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you call a middle ages man driving a van filled with children? Coach.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Two Muffins are in an oven the first Muffin says "whew it's hot in here." The other Muffin turns around and yells "Holy shit! I can talk too!"

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How do you kill a bunch of flies in one swat? Smack an African kid in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Chuck Norris once jumped off of a 9 story building. He broke half of the bones in his body because he is 71 years old.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What do you get when you put two landsharks together? Three landsharks.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing, fruit can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

homosexual

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did the bartender leave the bar? He worked really long hours and finally needed some time to sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How much does a dead battery cost? Nothing, it's free of charge.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What does a female Nazi call a tampon? A twatskika.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

who lives a pineapple under the sea? a proper spazztwat.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

An old man walks into a grocery store, but doesn't come out. What happened? A plane crashed into the grocery store, killing everyone inside.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

thumb_up thumb_down +3

How does a cow does a cow do an evil laugh?

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Whats black and white and red all over?.. The L.A. Race Riots.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, others don't

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Hai Patrick Hai Patrick

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops