Why didn't the cat eat its dinner? Because I nailed its head to the floor.

What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? They're all gone...

A snail buys a car from a dealership, and then asks the manager if he could paint a large S on the side of the car. The manager agrees, and the snail drives away. From the parking lot, the manager sees the car go straight on to the highway and get hit by a truck. Unfortunately, snails cannot drive.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

Your momma is so ugly... Yeah, yeah, yeah my momma's ugly, but guess what, at least I'm not an orphan asshole.

What ended in the year 1970? 1969

Why did Jay-Z rob a bank? Wait, nevermind. Jay-Z didn't rob a bank.

What's red and green and goes 100mph? A frog in a vehicle on the Autobahn.

What do you call a baby with a shadow? A shadow-baby!

why did the chicken cross the road? to get to your house... knock knock who's there the chicken

Why is Helen Keller a bad driver? Because her inability to see or hear makes her an extremely dangerous road hazard.

Q: What's blue and yellow all over? A: A baby at the bottom of the pool with a slashed floatie. Q: What's red and yellow all over? A: A floatie at the top of a pool with a slashed baby.

How do you make your mom mad? Burn down the house and eat the dog.

What happened while Thomas crossed the street? He got hit by a truck. What happened to Billy? He was Thomas's Siamese twin, and he too met the same fate.

what do you tell a woman with two black eyes? nothing, you already told her twice.

I used to know what alzheimers was

Yo momma's so fat she weighs more than the average woman of her age and height

How tall is oprah.. 5'7

Why did the chicken cross the road? His mother was a prostitute.

What's better than your first Hanukkah? Not being a Jew.

why didn't the mexiczn eat the black man's cooking? because it wasn't good

Why did Bob scream "Nurrrrrrrrr!!"?.....because he was mentally challenged.

What did Billy get his dad for Father's day? Nothing, his dad was killed by a spinning helicopter blade when Billy was 3.

what do you get when you cross a daniel lesiak with nothing?

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...