A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had leukemia

I was sitting in traffic the other day. I was runover.

Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

How does a Chinese person wear a contact lens? On a 45 degree angle

yo mamas so ugly.... everyone died. the end.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Reality TV.

If god himself had a religion he would be a self centered bastard.

So an alien walks into a bar......... and everyone runs away secreaming because theres an alien in the bar.

Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

Roses are red, Violets are too. You're bleeding out, I stabbed you.

What happens when you cross a Labrador and a Poodle. A species of dog that has been cross bred.

Bariande: I have a belly button Kraken: haha who doesnt? MissAwkward: i dont Barinade: neither do i. haha this happened on tiny chat.

Guy 1: Why did Captain Hook die? Guy 2: Because he wiped his anus with a hook? Guy 1: No, because everyone dies.

ask me what my temperpedic bed is like. ''whats it like?'' i dont know ive never had one actully.

YOU MEAN SHE ACTUALLY EVER LIKED ME? WOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, tell her to contact me here, during the number of letters up there divided by a certain number you got over there, minus the letters here subtracted with the VEEEEEEERY same ammoooouuuuunt... Moral: God I need to invent a code system that makes me sound less like Jim Carrey on crack...

Why would you kill a black man? Well, murderers have different motives, the most common of these are revenge or a psychological illness.

How many dead babies can you fit in a tire? It depends on the size of the tire.

A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

Why did the kid throw a clock out the window? The kid was probably having a temper tantrum and it was an expression of frustration.

Q. What did the Cat say to the Dog? A. "These humans are so jobless.."

That akward moment when you tell a person you like them and they don't respond.

What did the African say to the Mexican? "Hola, Como estas?" and the Mexican did not respond because he didn't speak Spanish.

What did the horse say to the other horse? We are both horses

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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