What would Chuck Norris do if you insulted him? Nothing. He probably doesn't have time for such foolishness.

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Why did Dave stop going to the laundromat? Because he was a suicide bomber.

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david give me my money back... i will have it next week

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Why was Mary mucky? Because she was dragged to a field and raped

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Ammy Winehouse walks into a bar Don't you said we should stop jocking about dead people ?

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Your friend says "Hi" What do you say back? You say "chunky salsa?" She said "what?" You think she knows you made out with her boyfriend last night. So... You blurt out " I'm SO sorry I made out with your boyfriend lastnight" Know.... Your dead meat.

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Call me Ishmael. Or don't. Well, you can, but I'm not forcing you. You could call me Steve or Bob, it's not really that important. I'm just around here anyway to tell about a huge white dick. A whale dick. A SPERM whale dick. Never mind. Or the guy whose obsessed with it. No, it's not what it sounds like. He just wants to stab it with his harpoon. Wait, that sounds even worse. Whatever. Anyway, call me Ishmael...

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Wife: Where were you all night. Husband: Cheating on you with your sister

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Alice? Childhood Alice? I did not recognize you! Its so nice to hear from you again! I would not worry too much about Nero`s shouting at night dear friend, while he has overcome a lot, he suffers from nightmares and nightterrors, its not pain, not physical at least, please do not tell him I told you, he prefers sparing people the details. Should I type as If I am typing to Nero? Sorry, I am just a bit flustered, Nero has never been the romantic type, not towards me at least... I know the "official chatting hours are over, but can I ask you or rather him to stay on a bit longer?"

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How do you hit a clown off a swing? There are many was of acting upon this situation but the most successful approach would be hitting the clown with a heavy object,

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What rhymes with float,boat,moat,coat and goat but can not be on a boat, can not float, can not be in a moat, can not be on a coat and can not ride a goat? A zoat because it's not a real word and therefore is incapable of doing any of those things.

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Q:Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable A:The Wheelchair

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What's worse than stepping on a nail? stepping on the nail and falling on more nails face first.

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Your mom is such a slut that your dad didn't even ask her if you were his biological child and raised you as if you were, regardless of what the dna results may suggest.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, chickens aren't capable of crossing roads without being involved in a car accident.

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What's the difference between tires and a black guy? Tires don't scream once there are chains around them. ;)

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What did the man say to his dead wife? "I'm Blind."

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Your mama so fat that when she cut herself gravey came out and we drank it too!

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What's 9+10? 19

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What did i say to the stupid person? Your Stupid.

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roses are blue violets are red heres a gun now your dead

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I hate weddings! Old people always poke u and say "ur next" so I've decided to do the same to them... At Funerals

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Why does everyone love Randy Jackson? Well it's sure not because he's black.

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What happens when you breed a T-rex and a mammoth? You can't, both animals are extinct.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops