Ask me if I'm God.. Dude, we all know you're not God.

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What is red and has wheels? Grass, I lied about it being red and having wheels.

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A dog was driving his car down the road right? Wrong dogs can't drive cars

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Why did the dinosaurs go extinct? Because you touch yourself at night.

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Q: Why did the black man run from the chainsaw? A: Someone was trying to kill him with it.

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A child is in the grocery checkout with their parents. It sees the candy display and asks for a pack of Reese's. When the parents do not grant the child's request, they begin to scream and cry. When they arrive home, the child is beaten with a copper rod. The new puppy that the child got for a birthday present is hanged and fed to buzzards.

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Why are you a chicken? Because I say cock-a-doodle doo

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roses are red turtles are random. cancer

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When life gives you lemons.... Don't eat them, because you're probable hallucinating, and you don't know where they came from.

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Little Stephanie was up all night on Christmas eve excited for her new bike that Santa was going to bring her. After tossing and turning for what seemed like decades, the sunset finally arose and Stephanie ran down the steps to unwrap her new bike with the family. Immediately after she went down the staircase, she found her parents marinated in their own blood, with knife wounds all around their body.

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How many ants are in the kitchen? None. We killed them all.

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What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

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A russian, a mexican, and an american are all sitting in a tavern. The russian ordered vodka, the mexican orders tequila, and the american orders a beer. When the waiter arrives, the russian throws his vodka into the air, shoots it, and says "we got too many of those in our country". The mexican tosses up his tequila and says "we got too many of those in our country". The american throws up his beer, shoots the mexican, and says "we got too many of those in our country". And then drinks his beer.

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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so a girl asks a guy: "if a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" the guy responds: "trees dont grow in the kitchen, so you shouldnt be worried about it."

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Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One holds groceries and the other molests little children.

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roses are red, violets are blue, i dont like to rhyme, but i do like to poo.

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what did the bartender say to the customer? a. is it the first option b. is it the second option c. is it the third option.

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What do you call a black man driving a helicopter? Blackhawk down

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Why didn't the chicken cross the road? A teenage girl was texting and driving, didn't see it, and now it's roadkill.

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What's worse than a dead baby in a barrel? A dead baby in 8 barrels.

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Roses are red violets are blue I'm black give me money

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why did the girl cry because she was raped

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops