A man walked into a bar. He was meeting his friends but was 30 minutes early so he went down the road to buy some food. He had recently began dieting after watching a series of lifestyle programs which informed him of the potential risks involved with high cholesterol and blood pressure levels. He purchased a garden salad and a freshly squeezed orange juice, and made it back to the bar in time to meet his friends.

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a man walked in to a bar and said 'outch'

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what does a deer and grass have in common? they are both green but i lied about the deer

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A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender says, "You know, you have a steering wheel down your pants?" The pirate says, "I know, I was just raped by a group of men who thought it would be funny to humiliate me as much as possible. The bartender then called 911 seeing that a horrible crime had just been committed.

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What's pink and when you press a button it turns red? A baby in a blender. What's pink and when you hit it against the wall sounds metallic? A baby with two forks stuck in its eyes.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side.

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"Sticks and stones" the man said and shat on three different complex turtles

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VITAMIN C!

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autsim

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What do you call a skeleton in a closet? The hide-and-seek champion.

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Knock knock. Who's there? No one, because your house burned down.

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What happens when a man goes to college? He gets a degree and graduates most of the time or he fails miserably.

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Tic tac toe Your mother and I are getting a divorce.

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Is your refrigerator running? Yes. Good because it is important to keep food chilled to prevent it from spoiling and in turn wasting money

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Whats white and black and red all over? A panda that has just been shot by a poacher.

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Why did the young boy drop his bus. He was hit by an ice cream.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have AIDS".

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Why do sea guls fly over the sea? In order to get from place to place, flying is much faster than walking. Sea guls live on a diet of salt-water fish, and the ocean is where their main food supply subsides.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?? It got shot Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey

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so a man goes to jurrasic park and sees two dinosaurs fighting. he shits himself.

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why navy seals ? they shot osoma bin laden in the face...... multiple times

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my girlfriend had a weird fetish, she used to dress up like herself and act like a bitch all the time.

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What's the cure of cancer? Death.

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What happened while Thomas crossed the street? He got hit by a truck. What happened to Billy? He was Thomas's Siamese twin, and he too met the same fate.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops