What did the orange say to the lemon? We are both alike but a differnt color

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A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?" "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "Devout Semites," the parrot replied.

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Girl you must be Jamaican...because you're black and annoying.

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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"Why isn't Bud capable of reading?" Bud is a stone "Why can't Peter drive?" Peter is a woman

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What did the blind man say to his best friend? All i see is darkness and i want to end my life

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Guy 1: why are you being such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most pussy

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Whats yello and cant swim A bus full of dead children in a lake

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Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting Raped

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Why did Amy fall off the swing? Because she had no arms Knock knock Who's there? Not Amy

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Why did the polar bear die? Global warming.

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What's the difference between a hipster and a steaming pile of shit? Many things.

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Hickory Dickory Dock, your mother is a whore

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Roses are red Violets are blue Trash gets dumped Just like you

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why don't asians use this finger (point at pinky)? because it's my finger.

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A mormon walked into a bar and realised it was a bar the he leaves

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What's the difference between ?2 and and 74^3? ?-405242.585786

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Ask me If I am an orange? Are you and Orange? No

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why couldnt justin beiber get into the club? because hes not legal

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What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

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what is juicy and smells like juice,but it is not juice? juice. i lied about it not being juice.

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If Life Throws You Melons, Then You're Probably Dyslexic. -S.H.A.T Brother 2Flush

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Whats black and yellow and makes you laugh? A bus full of niggers driving of a cliff

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Who enjoys hearty wank sessions with friends and long walks on the beach? David Cameron.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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