- Anti Joke

Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Nothing.

When was George Washington born? Who the hell knows. He's older than dirt.

A man brings his entire family in to meet a show producer. The producer says, "Okay, let's see what you got." The man then proceeds to lead his family through a variety of acts, including showcasing the proper way to drink English tea and how to dress for a polo match. When they finish, the producer asks, "And just what do you call your act?" To which the man replies, "The Aristocrats!"

A.act like u see a banner and say hey do you see that banner over there? B.no what are u talking about A.oh well there's a banner over there

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator? You open the door, put the giraffe in and close the door.

Two men were standing on the 34th floor of a 65 floor building. They were trapped in a office with one window. here is their conversation: guy1: oh no what should we do??? guy2: I don't know!! this is awful!!! guy1: I have children and a loving wife!!! guy2 walks to the window sill and leans over. guy1: what are you doing? there is more to life we can get through this!! guy 2 jumps out the window guy 1 runs to the window sticks his head out and yells "MAKE MINE CHOCOLATE!!!"

Your moms so fat She should get some help because there's nothing good about being fat

This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

What's the worst joke ever? Justin Bieber.

slaughter the mussies #EDL

What's big and grey and can't climb trees? A car park.

How long does it take a woman to park a car? Shouldn't take long, depends on the size of the parking spot.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know why the fuck he crossed the road, I don't know what he is thinking.

Robert: wanna hear a joke? Robort:ok, shoot. Robert: BANG!

Q: What should you do when life gives you lemons? A: Life would never really give you lemons...

A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

I went to the bookstore to buy me a Where's Waldo book. I looked through the store and couldn't find it anywhere.... Well played waldo, well played.

Two girls were taken away mysteriously in the night. The next day, no one cared because they were orphans.

What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

I'm a poet and I just didn't realise

What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven

How do you make a plumber mad? You tell him that his princess is in another castle about a thousand times over 25 years.

Why did Timmy start a fire? Because Timmy was a derranged phycopath

How is a hamster like a cigarette? They are harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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