A mum and a dad were having guests round for dinner. The daughter overheard them arguing. Dad was calling mum a b*tch and mum was calling dad a b*stard. The daughter asked them what it meant and they just said, "oh, it just means ladies and gentlemen". Later, when mum was doing her makeup, she dropped it and said oh "sh*t". Daughter asked what it meant and mum replked "it's just another word for makeup". After that, dad dropped the turkey and said "oh, F*ck!" Daughter asked what it meant and he replied "its another word for cooking". When the guests arrived, the daughter answered the door, and said "hello b*tches and b*stards. Mums upstairs stuffing sh*t on her face and dads in the kitchen f*cking the turkey".

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I went to the bookstore to buy me a Where's Waldo book. I looked through the store and couldn't find it anywhere.... Well played waldo, well played.

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Getting all F's on your report card isnt that bad.... I mean you could go home to find your whole family murdered and your Girlfriend hanging from a noose.

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What is the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream in the oven

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Knock-Knock Whos there? You're about to get shell shocked...

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What do a plum and an elephant have in common? They're both gray, except for the plum

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yo mama is so old, so old that she was given senior citizen discount at the restaurant.

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knock knock who's there bob bob who bob marley who else

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Why did the man fart? He didn't. Stop being so dirty-minded.

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What did the Banana say to the human. Nothing, because bananas are not capable of talking

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whats a great gift to share with small children? Ebola

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Why did the Chicken cross the road? So it would not get hit

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There once was a boy. On his birthday, he got a small puppy. The puppy was white and had big eyes. Boy loved his puppy and the puppy loved the boy.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The mailman. The mailman who? Anthrax.

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DING DONG! Did you have to ring the doorbell? You just ruined a good knock knock joke!

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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What did Grandma Sally give Little Timmy for Christmas? Herpes

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What is mary short for? Mary had an accident with a semi-truck and had to get both of her legs amputated.

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Roses are red, bushes are red, trees are red....i set your garden on fire.

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A dog, a cat, and a a fish were having a conversation while their owners were away. Ashton Kutcher is a murderer.

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mikey is cute

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Everything's brown Who shit on my flowers

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the other monkey fall out of the tree? It was taped to the other monkey

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops