How do you kill Chuck Norris? Shoot him in the face.

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What did the raisin say to the toaster? Nothing. The raisin lacks a central nervous system, and the toaster is an inanimate object.

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So, two people park their car and walk into a bar. Wait, no. They were walking into a grocery store and they were riding skateboards, not a car. Then, the kid walks in after them. Oh, did I forget to mention they had children? And also, they're married. So anyway, they walk into this grocery store, and meet a barkeep. Wait no that's ridiculous why would a barkeep be in a grocery store. Let me start over. Bah.. never mind. I forgot what happened next, but it was REALLY FUNNY!

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Three men walked into a bar. None were injured because they were all wearing hard hats as is the procedure for a construction site.

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Whats worse than getting stabbed in nuts? A retarded baby that survived the abortion

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what did the horse say to the other horse Neigh

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A: "Knock knock." B: "Who's there?" A: "John Doe." B: "John Doe who?" A: "..."

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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There were two muffins in an oven. They were forgotten about by the baker so they cried, caught fire, burned to death, and formed a medium-sized pile of ashes.

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Why did the middle-aged black man lose his job? Because in this day in age, many businesses are being forced to lower their pay-roll, and he could no longer be afforded.

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Why was the boy upset? His penis fell off and his mom was making him go to the library.

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Why couldn't the boy watch the R-rated movie? Cuz he was blind.

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What did the little boy with cancer ask for from the Make a Wish foundation. A cure and to lose his virginity before he dies.

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Why did the bartender leave the bar? He worked really long hours and finally needed some time to sleep.

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A blind man jumped out of the way as a car ran through the red light at a one way street.

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What's the difference in a big brother and a wee brother? Ones big, ones small.

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Why did the two children go sledding? Because they liked to sled.

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What do you call a man that likes to play baseball? A Baseball Player.

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How did the dyslexic, purple horse commit suicide? It jumped off the Grand Canyon.

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Knock knock! Who's there? Bob Hi bob, come inside. And next time just use the doorbell

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods, the bear asks the rabbit does shit stick to your fur? The rabbit says no, so the bear wipes his ass on the rabbit

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What name does Steve Bartman go by Now? Steve Bartman, but he just hides all day trying not to be killed.

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Q: which of the following is a prime number? A: 17

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roses are red violets are blue i use refrigerators to keep my food cool

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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