Ask me if I'm an orange. Are you an orange? No.

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Im taking a shit right now.

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Why can't Hellen Keller drive? Because she's dead.

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What's long and hard, and has cum in it? A cucumber

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What's black and blue, and read all over? The Merriam-Webster dictionary.

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What happened to the cow that couldn't moo? It died because it could not make it's needs known to it's fellow herd and was bullied and isolated.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Finding a worm in your apple.

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How long would it take for a clock to reach 12 It depends on which 12 it is going to land on and which time zone you are in but yet most clocks are not correct so it is very hard to tell

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I really don't like Holocaust jokes. My grandfather died in the Holocaust. He fell off of a guard tower.

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why did the black man get kicked out of the hospital? nothing was wrong with him.

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This is Nero, the guy striving a bit with the fact that he killed his mother in order to save his wife a month or so before Christmas: cathphra is Exceedingly well read, I say than you. I had a nightmare tonight, my parents where serving tomato soup, while my mother made great food (despite the fact they discovered that it was not angel dust she used, but large quantities of opiate that would have killed an elephant) But this time they served me dry tomato soup (that from packages) and a bowl of lukewarm soup. I asked: How am I supposed to mix this? They both gave me the look of "here comes a beating" I started calling my mother many things that horsehead network sensors, then my father grabbed my neck and tried to twist my head off (and in this dream, rather than in reality, he actually succeeded) but I somehow managed to remain alive. Then I yelled in english: THIS IS BECAUSE I KILLED YOU! I HAVE NO SOUL TO TAKE! Only then I realized it was a dream and woke up...You know, because my parents never spoke English so they would not have understood me... I have a broken vertebrae in my neck to prove that my father tried quite hard to break my neck in reality at least... Yeah, I am mostly over it, I killed my father when he tried to break my neck because I kept scatching my ortopedic arm while studying (real arm which my mother cut off and then proceeded to beat me up with funny story actually) Then killed my mother years later when she stabbed my girlfriend induced under what turned out to be a heavy dose of opiates, and paralgin forte (which main ingredent is... you guessed it MORE opiates).

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Why didn't LeBron James go to college? Because the opportunity to secure millions of dollars in salary straight out of high school was too lucrative for him to pass up.

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What's up with airplane food? Well I am a big fan of peanuts, so nothing

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Did you hear about the little girl who got a bike for her birthday? Shes dying of Terminal Cancer

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how do you upset a black guy kill his family :)

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What do you call a man who's arms have been amputated? It doesn't matter, he won't be able to pick up the phone.

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What do you call a poor Donald Trump? Donald Trump

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Why did the orange put on the sun block? Because it was afraid of turning into a TAN-gerine!

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What's black and white and red all over? Half of a zebra.

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whoes considered the best trackstar in the world. the random jamacan who ran onto the field.

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What's worse than finding a dead fly in your soup? Finding your soup in a dead fly

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What did the boy with a crippled arm get for his birthday? A guitar.

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Why couldn't the blonde turn on the TV? The TV was broken.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? It depends on its sex. Females weigh 150-250kg, and males weigh upwards of 350kg.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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