What do a plane and a flight attendant have in common? They're both going somewhere in their careers. Aside from the flight attendant.

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What did Ben's Graandma get him for Christmas? Nothing, she died on Thanksgiving!

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Your momma is so old that she might die soon!

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'Doctor, doctor, I think I'm a pair of curtains' Doctor prescribes antipsychotics.

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What's black and always in the back of a cop car? The seat.

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What do you get when you cross a leopard with a camel? Sacked from the zoo.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? -250.

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Three men stumble upon an ancient lamp in the desert. They sell it to a museum and split the profit evenly.

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Q:What do you call a black man that got to the moon and back in a space rocket? A: A golfer, he is a pro golfer now!

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A priest, a minister and a rabbit were seated next to each other on an airplane. They all had to pay for lunch.

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1-1 was a race horse, 1-2 was one too, 1-1 won one once and 1-2 won one too

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if dragonflies have purple toe nails, then how many pancakes does it take to build a doghouse? canada, because snakes don't have armpits!

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Three Kids dressed as a bear, a chicken, and a penguin walk into a bar. The bartender asks the to leave as they are all under the legal drinking age.

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A man walks into a bar He drinks the night away with his friends *Plot Twist* It was a dream He has no friends.

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The Holocaust is worse than any number of bee stings. Unless, of course, bees separated people of certain ethnic backgrounds from their families and killed them off bit by bit by stinging them.

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Hello we are from the church of the latter day saints.

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Why was the little boy crying He had a frog stapled to his head

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I scream, You scream, The police come, It's awkward.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? wanna go ride bikes?

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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what did the bear say to the fish? Nothing he eat it

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What do you call a muslim on an airplane? A airline passenger.

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What can u see in the dark that u can't see in the light? Absolutely nothing

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Q. What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? A.One's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other's a human.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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