- Anti Joke

What is a gremlin's favorite snack? Gremlins aren't real.

If chuck noris has five dollars and you have five dollars, he has more money than you. He forgot about the extra dollar in his back pocket

What starts with the letter P and ends with 'orn'? Porn....

Jews

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

Why did the little kid use pillows at night? Because he was constipated.

Penis

why didnt Timmy get anything for Christmas?His mom told santa he was very naughty that year

Q: 1 out of every 44 presidents can dunk, who is it? A: How the hell am i suppost to know

"Hello, is this the Krusty Krab?" "No, this is Patrick."

Yo mama so fat, she should see a doctor to discuss healthier lifestyles.

How do you milk a cow? Make sure the cow is tied with a halter to a sturdy post or held in a stanchion. Clean the teats with soapy water or iodine. Warm, soapy water can help "bring down" the milk. Dry them, but don't rub or irritate the teats. Place a bucket underneath the udder. Better yet, hold it between your legs. This takes practice, but it can be done, easily and comfortably. This position lowers the chances of the cow kicking over an almost-filled pail of milk. Sit or squat in a position that will allow you to move away quickly if the cow becomes uncooperative. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, for example, is not safe. See Warnings below. A common milk stool is fabricated using two 2x4's cut and nailed to form a "T" - cut to fit your behind and make sure it is low enough to afford comfortable access to the underside of the cow. Apply a lubricant such as Vaseline to your hands to keep friction to a minimum. Wrap your hands around two of the four teats. Choose diagonal teats (front left and rear right, for example). Or, try the front teats first, then the back pair. Squeeze the base of the teat, after gently clamping each teat between your extended thumb and first finger, so that the teat fills your palm as you squeeze down. Squeeze down to push out the milk, maintaining your grip on the base of the teat so that the milk doesn't flow back up into the udder. Do not jerk or yank the teats. This motion is performed by sequentially squeezing your fingers from the middle to the pinky to force the milk out. Be gentle yet firm. Keep your eyes peeled for mastitis. Repeat with your other hand. Most people prefer to alternate (right hand, left hand, right hand, etc.) the downward squeezing motions because it takes less effort doing it in alternate steps than all at the same time. Continue until the quarter that you're milking looks deflated. Experienced farmers can feel the udder to know exactly when all the milk has come down. Often even looking at the quarter just milked can tell you if it's been emptied enough or not. Move on to milk the other two teats. If you use the diagonal method, switching sides is not necessary.

If there's something strange in the neighborhood, who you gonna call? The police, because it's obviously a darky that's up to no good.

What does a homeless man get for his birthday? 25 cents

Roses are red Jeffrey's a nigger A refrigerator is white But Jeffrey's not a refrigerator. He's a nigger.

Why did the giant frog attack the party goers with a ballistic missile? oh where tos tart...it's, just such a long story, I don't really know where to begin, in fact it's probably better if you just take my word for it, no need to go into details. we just don't have time for that now.

Q: How Do You Stop a Bus? A: Pull the Brakes so it comes to a absolute stop.

Just found out that it doesn't work.

Thats a real shame. How come your eyes are red to begin with? You can use hypnosis to change the color, but if you never learned how, I am not gonna teach you.

Q.what do you call 7x7 A.A math equation

New groundbreaking research has just revealed today that a complex sentence can be used to manipulate the human mind, so in this sentence somewhere is a psychological amemphism that subconsciously hypnotises the mind into doing something within the next five seconds, and if you read this sentence over and over again, you might just spot it!

What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

I donated to Kony 2012. Litterally to Kony. I approve of his actions.

How do you get a girl out of a tree? You throw a refrigirator at her.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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