Whats red and crawls up your leg? A homesick abortion.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How are humans like slinkies? - They are not good for very much and bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

How do you make an electrician cry? You cut off his friend's penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

http://suckmytriforce.tumblr.com

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He was in a terrible car crash in which the fuel tank exploded.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Mufasa miss his doctor's appointment? Because he was trampled to death by wildebeest

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the gang jump a man for his blue jeep? Answer The gang wanted a blue jeep.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did Hitler say to Obama Nothing because Hitler is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Nothing, because he is an orphan.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the the girl say to the deaf boy after he asked her out? He doesn't know

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I would, but I see an older version of the kid, that suffered so much pain and agony.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

I put children on a leash and store them under my bed. I feed them bird food and they drink eachothers urine.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

j

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's worse than being forced to drink your own urine and eat a disabled kids poop? James Holmes (Ironic that the text I had to type in to post this was "I'M BATMAN".)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Frostbite

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." Then there is silence and a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone the guy says "I shot in the air and my friend heard it and moved. I think he's still alive." The operator says "Good that means he's still breathing and he's not dead."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper painted red.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Excuse me, do you have any gnats? Yes, plenty. Thank you

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did michael jackson wear white gloves around young boys? His doctor recommended that he do so due to bad circulation.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Your mama's so fat, that she died of diabetes

thumb_up thumb_down +2

some of the people who write thes jokes are complete assholes

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What do you call a dog with two tails? ...Depends on what its name is.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops