- Anti Joke

Q: What did Michael Jackson do while he was preparing for his newest world tour? A: He died.

Straight man: Gays can't have babies so they shouldn't be allowed to have sex. Gay man: But you got a vasectomy last year, so you can't make babies either. The straight man sees the irony, realizes how judgmental he has been and never has sex again because he maintains his opinion that gays shouldn't have sex.

How did the girl fall off the swing? She didn't have any arms.

Two Cows are knitting soda water in a lightbulb. One of them said: Talking about milk, what time is it? The other pulls out a thermometer, looked at it and said: Wednesday.

Why couldn't the pirate get into the movie? Because he was armed and clearly inebriated.

whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? i know how to make a pizza

Have you seen Elton johns pet dog? Neither he's he.

A man walks into a bar, looks around, and reveals an AK-47 assault rifle he had been concealing beneath his trenchcoat. He then turns to his left and fires repeated shots around the bar, to the surprise and fear of many. Then he shoots himself. The death total is estimated at 9, including the shooter, while the total injured is around 22.

A man with Alztheimers walks into a bar. He forgets the purpose of being there.

Hey I just met you and this is crazy, but i have Alzheimer's. Hey i just met you.

What is worse than a worm in you're apple? Two worms in you're apple.

The U.S. economy is in poor condition and it's downfall would have repercussions throughout the entire world.

There's an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman. They are all trapped in a jail cell. Eventually they all starved to death.

Why did the priest fall onto the alter boy? Because he lost his balance

Whats the difference between a person with cancer and breakfast? Breakfast is important

Two penises walk into a minefield. Both are very careful with their every step and try not to be blown.

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I wont be arriving soon alright, I mean I am a overachiever for many reasons many of them not exactly "gifts" (such as the pain I cant shut up about but focus on other things such as my goal surely keeps my mind occupied enough). Thanks about the looks comment, used to think I was pretty good looking myself, so if I am more than the looks, then I really like that one (I know I am being a bit brash, but I haven't felt this... Better in a long time, and if hell if I will fake low self confidence, modesty is not my thing when I am not in the mood to be charming) By the way, Alice is quoting me, and having a laugh doing so apparently, lets just say I wont be typing myself ever again, my fingers are not... Useful, and honestly typing with one hand was always a bitch. Enough about me, ill have one of "my shadows" send you money for a first class (seriously you have spent enough on me, and now that my city is making a revenue and still advancing, its my turn to return whatever I can) Tell your parents you won the lottery and share some of the money with them I am sending you a bit extra so to speak. And ffs do not worry about my body, not even sure if I will walk again and speaking, well while it hurts (Alice is laughing again) people here concluded I would live for faaar longer than their first prognosis since I never been a fan of shutting up, and as I told them, my mouth will keep yapping about 200 years after I die, so no problemo. Ill send you a first class to... Nvm you take the money, and come around whenev... You know what? Ill send a plane, yeah, because we can afford that, not yours to keep but you know...

What's the difference between cat and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer. The other is a watermelon.

So much with being an author... You with the Feds? The CIA?

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you through them.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? Cue annoying little kids saying WHAT!!!!!!!!! A: To check out all the chicks

How types of people are there? One, we are the only homo sapiens.

the horse walks into the bar the bartender calls the pet control

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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