A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender looks down at him and says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." the grasshopper looks up at the bartender...then proceeds to hop along because Grasshoppers can't communicate with humans. Then several of the bars patrons looked at the bartender, worried for his mental health.

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A Canadian man, American man and French man all go to a wive swapping party. The Canadian gets the American's wife, the American gets the French wife, and the Frenchman dies of a brain aneurism and the European wife. is very disappointed in her night.

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Q:Whats funnier than 24? A: 25.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The police. Dave then complied, opened the door and let the police search his house. He was then found innocent of drug related charges.

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Your Moma so fat, she would roll down a hill.

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I was sitting next to a man with jelly in one ear and peanut butter in the other, so I turned to him and said "Are you a trifle deaf?" and he said "No, I'm mentally ill."

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A mercenary was sent from the US to kill a terrorist leader. He was captured by the terrorists but wouldn't give away any information. They beat him, shocked him, cut him, and punched him in a dark room with a light beaming right down on him like a spotlight. It was a grueling five long days until they said "We know you have the information we want, tell us or you will die!" The mercenary sat in silence. They took out a gun and pointed it to his head. The mercenary then broke down and told the terrorists the information they wanted to hear. The terrorists then shot him to death.

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John has 32 candy bars, he eats 28..what does he have now? Diabetes.

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Whats the difference between Steven Hawkin and Gary Glitter? Ones severely disabled and ones a paedophile.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? The chicken would greatly appreciate it if you stayed out of its personal life.

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What did Batman say to Robin before getting in the Batmobile? " Hey Robin, get in the Batmobile."

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Safe sex MR

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You have a birthday party and invite 5 celebrities: Britney spears, Lady Gaga, Hulk Hogan, Barack Obama, and Oprah. Meanwhile, there is a cow in a nearby pasture pooping.

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You know what they say about men with big feet? Big penis.

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If you had to go blind, would you go blind? If you said no, then you are wrong. You had to go blind.

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what's blue and goes blub blub? a blue blub blub

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What's yellow and lays in a tree? Tweety the Whore

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Yo mama's has so much acne, I decided to give her proactive.

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Why did the man stop having seizure? Because his condition was recognized and he was properly medicated.

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My kids are mistakes.

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Q: What's your favorite song? A: Not one in particular. I like all kinds of music.

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What did the man do when it was raining pineapples? He got a chainsaw and went on a killing spree against his neighbors family.

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what's worse than being attacked by a giant ant? being attacked by two giant ants

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2 guys walk into a bar the third one ducked

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops