What does a man and an orange have in common? Nothing.

Why did the skeleton stay home from the party He was buried in a coffin underground and, as a matter of fact, wasn't actually invited

What amusing anecdote did the Department of Educational Dictations officer tell his coworker? There was no amusing anecdote. DED men tell no tales.

Q: Why did the little boy who just got over a terrible sore throat fall down the stairs? A: His legs were brutally torn off by wolves.

How do you punish Helen Keller? Send her to her room until she becomes civil enough to explain what was causing her misbehavior.

What is black and white and cant get through revolving doors? A zebra with a spear through its head.

What's similar about a mole and an eagle? They both are blind and dig through the ground. Except the eagle.

A blonde walks into a bar. She says ow

What do a grape and an elephant have in common? They're both purple, except for the elephant.

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why did the man steal change from the tip jar? he wanted another state quarter for his collection

whats blue and can fly? a red robin i lied about being blue By RT so u believe me

What's worse than getting a flat tire on a date? getting one while rushing your dying grandfather to the hospital.

Why did billy have a bruse? Because he got smacked with a belt. -Louis

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What happens when you cross a starfish with a dog? Dogs and chickens are from a different phylum, they are genetically incompatible.

John: Hey Pablo why are you standing outside Home Depot. Pablo: Because I work here.

Why did the girl fall out of the tree? Because she had no arms

Jesus walks int a hotel and places a handful of nails on the counter in front of the innkeeper. He is immediately turned away as the innkeeper understandably does not accept nails as currency.

why did the older man give candy to the little kids? he was in a parade

Has anyone seen that clown that hides from gay people in Tesco's

Hey whats sad about 4 black people going over a cliff in a cadillac. Nothing

Q. If your rowing a canoe up a tree, how many pancakes does it take to get to the moon? A. None because snakes don't have armpits.

some magicians can walk on water, Chuck norris can swim in water, faster than the average man.