If Miley Cyrus has the ability to come in like a wrecking ball, how come she can't twerk?

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What did the man get when he returned from Africa? AIDS

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? There aren't pineapples in the ocean.

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Why did they bury the fireman on the east side of the green grassy hill, to the left of the old well, underneath the huge apple tree? Because he was dead.

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What did the boy with no eyes get for Christmas? Glasses

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What's Big, Brown and really Runny ??? It doesn't matter anymore, i'll just leave the Toilet !!

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Domonic is a gay homo!!!!!!!!!!!! Vagina

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what do you call a black man wearing a makeup? A clown

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A man walks into a bar and orders 6 shots, "Long day?", the bartender asks. "Yeah", the man replies, then he goes home and hangs himself

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Two black men jump off a cliff, who wins? Wins what?

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What do you call two black men and a hispanic man in the back of a car? The punchline of this joke is offensive, and might bring legal troubles to Anti-Joke.Com and it's subsidiaries. For these reasons, Anti-Joke.Com will not allow it to be shown.

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How much wood could a wood chuck, chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? They don't ACTUALLY eat or throw wood. Instead, they eat grasses and insects and pretty much everything else at ground level they can get their hands on. But they can, apparently, CHEW wood, and that's where the idea for this study came in. The authors decided to use the word "chuck" to mean "chew" (I suppose because upchucking is the opposite?), and wanted to see how much wood a woodchuck could chuck. They obtained 12 woodchucks (by "various means" that are not described, I picture some middle aged guy in a suit trying to stalk one), and food deprived them to ensure they would eat the wood. Then, they fed each woodchuck a 2x4 (yes) and watched how fast they ate it. All the woodchucks ate the wood, none actively attempted to toss it, and none upchucked. They could, apparently digest the wood pretty well, and consumed it at a rate of 361.9237001 cubic centimeteres per animals per day (no error bars, and the food deprivation was nuts, 12 days, leading me to think they didn't REALLY...). They note that, while none of the woodchucks attempted to throw the wood, they probably would have, had they been capable. So the next time someone asks you, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? You answer is clear! He'd chuck 361.9237001 cubic centrimeters of wood per day, which is the wood that a woodchuck COULD chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

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Q: Why didn't the little boy get his bike for christmas? A: He died from cancer

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What did the pedophile get for christmas? He was raped by a gorilla

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how do you kill Lady Gaga? with a gun.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I shit my pants do you want my poo.

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whats the difference between a dead dog and a dead black guy on the road? there is skid marks leading up to the dog.

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What's awesome and looks like a pumpkin? An awesome pumpkin.

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Why don't women need watches? Because they probably have a cell phone, which works just as well.

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why was the frog sad..... because it had a science lesson with the year 10s about the insides of animals

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How do you kill a blonde? Cut off the bloodflow to their vital organs.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? A dozen burly firefighters ready to stick it in your pooper

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Why did the boy in a wheelchair cry? His mum just got shot in front of his eyes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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