What's the best thing about The Pixies? Their music.

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Mama Bear and Papa Bear were in court getting a divorce and the judge offered Baby Bear a choice of which parent to live with. "Do you want to live with your mother?" the judge asks. "No! She beats me." answers the baby bear. "OK, then you can live with your father." says the judge. "No! He beats me too!" cries baby bear. So Baby Bear was placed in a foster home.

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What do you call a man without any money? Broke.

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Q: If you are running a race and a fridge hits you, how many dogs play x-box in the snow? A: 12 orange waffles

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Whats the difference between a blonde and a sloth? Everything. The blonde is a human being and humans are way different than sloths.

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There was this land of cheerios. The regular cheerios were the poor ones, the honey nut cheerios were middle class but loved to party, and the frosted cheerios were very wealthy. So there was a young regular cheerio named paul who really had a crush on this frosted cheerio girl named sophia. He liked her so much, that he finally got the courage to ask her out. Shyly he asked her "do you want to go to prom with me" she said "no i only date frosted cheerios". Paul understood and went back to his house dissapointed. The next day Paul went to the doctor and he asked for an operation to make him a frosted cheerio. Since he wasn't very wealthy he could only afford an opperation that would make him a half cheerio. He decided it will do. The next day he approched sophia and asked "will you go to prom with me now" she said "sorry i only date full frosted cheerios" The next day paul went back to the doctor and convinced his parents to lend him some money to become a full frosted, so thats what he did. The next day he asked her out and she finnally said yes. A few days later they went to the prom together that was hosted by the honey nut cheerios. Sophia asked paul for some brownies so paul said sure and waited on the brownie line for quite a long time. He brought her the brownie and thought he was very nice for waiting on line for so long. Then she asked for some fruit punch. Paul looked around and around, until he realized there was no punch line.

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Ask Me If I'm A Piece of Bread Are You a Piec--- Nope

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What's the difference between a black guy and a bench. A bench is wooden while a black guy has a human body composed of mostly water.

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. One says, "It is quite hot in here." This is a lie. Neither of the muffins spoke because in reality, Muffins are not only inanimate objects, they are not humans, and therefore they do not have the ability to speak in a comprehensible language.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "I have AIDS".

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What did Petunia say to the other Petunia Hi there Petunia

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roses are red violets are blue i have a big dick unlike you

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- Why Mexicans have small steering wheels in their cars? - Because of this they are able to drive a car in handcuffs.

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What is something you would not normally find in a china cabinet? Japan

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Why did the boy with cancer cross the road? He was hoping to get hit by a truck.

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What's red, black, and green all over? A dead black bear. Just no green.

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Your mom is so fat, she had liposuction.

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Why shouldn't you drink and drive? Because you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

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2 guys are on a scaffolding. One of them says to the other "If you fall from here, theres a high probability you will die"

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How many jewish people can you fit in a Volkswagen? depending on the class of car but a mid range SUV can seat up to seven.

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What do dogs call gaseous exchange? Woof!!

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Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey.

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Three blonds walk into a bar ... They said ouch!

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Who has big eyes, big ears, and a big mouth? The witness I'm about to murder so he cannot testify against me. Wish me luck.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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