"One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to ****, and lands in the grass. Snail lies there dying. But it doesn't die. It eats some grass. Slowly heals. Grows a new shell. And after a while it can crawl again. One day the snail up and heads back to the front of the house. Finally, after a year, the little guy crawls back on the porch. Right then, the man walks out to go to work and sees this snail again. So he says to it, 'What the f uck's your problem?'" -Training Day

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? A cripple.

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THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME THE GAME

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Why did the kid eat his homework because the teacher said it was a piece of cake

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Q: what did the man say to the woman when he wanted her to leave? A: please leave

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Why couldn't the black man get a high-paying job? because he lived during the harsh and cruel times of slavery.

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A man walks into a bar. He is rushed to the hospital due to a large aneurysm that has burst in his brain because he walked into the bar.

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A blonde walks into a bar... ...she got rufeed.

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What is the science of classifying living things? Racism...

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What's the difference between an elephant and a Jew. The elephant has elephant cancer.

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If Michael Jackson was alive we would who cares he is dead

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I'll be back. Please use the door.

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The other day, I broke my snare drum.... I still haven't fixed it and am planning on doing so soon.

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How do you make time fly? Develop a flying suit to put on a sun dial.

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What happens when a guy walk into a school and shoots kids? Oh sorry, to soon?

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What did the man say to the waiter when he was about to tip him? I'm not gay, but $20 is $20.

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What do you do when your phone goes off in class? Stay behind after class whilst the teacher takes off his pants and tells you do bend over a desk. This is your punishment.

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what does a squid and a worm have in commen they both are animals

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What do you call 55,000 clowns exiting a small car? Fiction.

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She's dead.

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My friend told me to jump right off a cliff That's impossible since this cliff goes left...

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Did you hear about the guy who came home one night and found his wife in bed with his best friend? He had just returned from a trip to the grocery store, where he'd purchased bread, milk, eggs, broccoli, yams, tea, and brownie mix.

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what do they do to dead Mexicans? skin them and make them in to wet suites.

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Why can't Helen Keller Drive? Because she's a woman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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