What did the hat say to the other hat? Nothing, because hats don't talk, stupid.

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Why are old people such terrible drivers? As we age, our eyesight slowly deteriorates and our reflexes become slower. So, in order to be cautious, the elderly avoid high speed chases and such to maintain their and others safety. Or they could have alzheimers and not realize they are in a moving vehicle at all, it's really a tossup

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A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

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What's Worse Than Unripened Fruit? Crippling Depression.

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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb? Probably just one.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first one. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure.

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Did you hear about the Polish Helicopter crash? The pilot and three passengers died.

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So two clowns walk into a bar... . . . . . . . . . . They died

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Why did the baby fall out the window? Because the parents left the window open by the crib.

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What starts with 'P' and ends with 'orn'? Popcorn.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't.

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Man who wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died. Hard part was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in and then the trouble started..

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Why was the child lying in the scrap yard? because he was being torn apart by guard dogs.

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What did the college student say after he failed his test? He didn't say anything, he was a mute.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, i got 5 Fingers, the middle ones for you ?

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There's a redhead, a brunette and a woman with green hair walking down the street. A man asks them how they all came to have such beautiful and vibrant hair color. The redhead smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The brunette smiles, runs a hand through her hair and replies "It's natural!" The woman with green hair blows her nose, and replies "It isn't natural, I'm rebelling against society's conformist ideals. Also I was not loved enough as a child." She has a cold.

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What drink is dark yellow and freshly squeezed from one of the most healthy snacks? Piss.

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What did the thin Italian say to the fat Italian? I don't know, I can't speak Italian.

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Why did the groom have cold feet? Because he was insecure in his relationship with his soon to be wife.

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Why did the old man order the little girl into the car? Because he was her grandfather.

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Why couldn't the Asian drive? He was blind

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How many Manatees does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, assuming Manatees have hands.

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why was six afraid of seven? because seven raped his mother

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you know whats not funny? the Holocaust

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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