Why was the little boy afraid of Mr.Clean? Because he reminded him of his father who was an alcoholic and used to beat him savagely.

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Guy 1: why are you such a douche? Guy 2: cause douches get the most p***y

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Q: Why is my friend gay? A: Because i slept with him.

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Q: What is that white stuff in chicken shit? A: Thats chicken shit too

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SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone? Is it under the table? Was it sat upon? Is it there on the ceiling? Is it under the rug? Was it gobbled right up by a quantum pillbug? Did it run through the tunnel? Did it fall down the stair? Was it sent back in time to a carnival fair? Did it get on a train to a far-away place? Is it locked in a falsified beacon from space? Did it fall in the oobleck and [DATA EXPUNGED]? If it clogged up the sink, will it have to be plunged? Just where has SCP-009-J gotten to? Oh wait, that's right! SCP-009-J is you!

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Q: What weighs 6 ounces, is extremely dangerous, and lives in a tree? A: A sparrow with a machine gun.

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What did suzie do when she dropped her cookie? She died because it was secretly a bomb

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What do you call a black cop? Officer.

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How do you kill an american? You shoot them

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ok, a family walks into a talant agency, the talent agent says "What can you do". The family breaks out into a sing and dance routine, and do nothing sexual in their routine.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? Finding half a worm in your apple.

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A boy walks into his friend's house for a party. While he waits for his friends to return from the bar he realizes there are many people waiting in different lines for various kinds of drinks. After his friends return he decides he does not want any of the carbonated drinks they had ordered, instead he chooses to wait in the fruit punch line. There is no punch line.

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What's the difference between a teacher and a train? A lot.

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What do Michael Jackson and your family have in common? They're both dead.

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Who keeps knocking on the wall? My neighbors have sex a lot.

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What's worse than dying? Dying poor.

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A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

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What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? Give her a time-out. Throwing sharp objects is not okay.

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When is your birthday? November 13 what year? every year

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A black guy walks into a bar... *3 hours later* He walks out...

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Dyslexic devil worshippers sell their souls to Santa

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Roses are red Violets are blue Who is your daddy And what does he do?

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There are two types of people in this world: those who can count and those who can't. I happen to be one of those who can.

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whats blue and fuzzy?.... blue fuzz

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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