Robert Muldoon: "Clever girl..." Velociraptor: "I appreciate your compliment, but I will still eat your face."

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Q: You know what never gets old? A: The kids in a school shooting

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens hadn't evolved yet.

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Why did the cop pull over a black guy? The man was breaking the law by going 82 mph in a 70 mph zone, which resulted in a 100 doller fine. Oh and the cop was a racist.

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A horse walks into the bar and says "why the long face?" The bartender replies "hey! I was supposed to say that!"

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What is white, average height and cannot jump as high as a black man? A fridge.

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What does a black person and ebola have in common? They both kill people

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what do you get when you cross a broken arm and a broken leg? a broken head.

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A redhead and a blonde both go out to smoke a cigarette. They are both at risk of lung cancer.

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What is the worst part about eating a vegetable? Eating the wheelchair too.

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Why did I get thumbs up from everyone? Answer: Because they like my anti-joke.

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A man dies and goes to heaven. This is an assumption based on religious faith.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I'm not quite sure, but I just realized that my new pair of boxer briefs has ripped along the seam. Oh, and earlier this morning, I stubbed my toe pretty bad. The nail is all purple and the toe is all swollen, it was bleeding profusely until I put three bandages over the wound. It's still throbbing with pain. Oh, and also, a few months ago, I lost my job. It wasn't because I was constantly late or anything, it was more because as a server, I had been required to lift trays and stand and walk for the entirety of my shift. The only problem is, that about a year ago, I was involved in a serious car accident (once again, an occurrence that had not been due to my own actions). This car accident severed my spine in the L5 region. I can now barely walk for long periods of time, I find it impossible to run, I can no longer play sports and enjoy being a 21 year old male. I am in constant pain and it affects my breathing, my legs, the rest of my back, and also my teeth (due to the neurological connections dealing with the spinal cord). I am now currently looking for a new job, a more suitable job, to help sustain my hectic lifestyle. No, it is not a lifestyle of parties and what not, it is merely the lifestyle of living under roof and owning a used car. I have an alcoholic mother and my childhood was devoid a father. I raised myself, and to this day, I still have no family to help me through my financial struggles. I need nearly 2000 dollars in less than a week in order to pay all my bills, have my car fixed, and eat for another month. The only problem is, I have a dollar and 58 cents to my name. I wish I was this chicken, crossing roads, and what not, not just to get to the other side, but to live a better life. But, one can only wish.

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So I picked my nose while peeing, and it fell in the toilet so I didn't have to wipe it on anything. This is more of a story I wanted to share than a joke

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An Asian with a big dick.

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It is so hot out here, that it could melt an ice cube that was once in the freezer!

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How do you get a baby to be quiet? Put it in the oven for a few minutes

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Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive? She was a loaf of bread.

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Knock knock, Who's there? The constable. Your husband was killed in a car crash.

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hows your wife she died 7 years ago really mine too

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why should you not shake a baby? because if it dies it wouldnt know that its parents hate them.

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"Do you like pie?" "No." "Do you like blueberries?" "No." "I have something you won't like." "Is it a blueberry pie?" "No, I shagged your wife last night".

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why did the man break his arm? he didn't, someone else broke it for him

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Why is there a black president? Cause you voted for him. Thanks! Dick.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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