Knock, knock. Come in.

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Who smokes a lot of weed and speaks 5 different languages? Rosetta Stoner.

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A classic (apologies if it's been posted before): A woman was riding the bus home after a day of shopping. Suddenly she jumped up, shouting "may aspirins! My aspirins!" The driver replied: "You probably left them on the counter at the drugstore."

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Knock knock. I know who is there... What? No, I lied...

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A blind man walks into a bar. He had a few drinks then went home.

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Why did John get hard? He froze to death

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A Priest and a Rabbi find a very young lost child. They both agree that their religions obligate them to find the child shelter.

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The Dali Lama walks into a pizza parlor and asks the owner to make him one with everything. After 20 minutes or so the owner brings the Dali Lama a pizza with every available topping. After he finished eating the Dali Lama thanked the owner and left a nice tip.

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Your mother is so fat that she has to undergo amputation of her foot because of type 2 diabetes.

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if you are reading this your wasting your time

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A grammatically correct mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms." The mushroom says, "Why not, I'm a fungus."

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Good friends are like snowflakes. They disappear when you pee on them.

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What did the fat kid eat for dinner? Salad, he's on a diet.

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I wish there were a city named Sample. So that the sign can say "Urine Sample"

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roses are red, violets are purple, some poems rhyme, but this one doesn't

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what did the potato say to the apple nothing food can't talk

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Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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When birds fly south for the winter they fly in a V formation. one side is always longer than the other. why is that? Because there are more birds on that side

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I just had major Deja Vu... Cool, Brett. No one cares.

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Why did the Jewish man stop to pick up a quarter off the filthy street? He saw a homeless man begging on the street corner and thought that he could give him the spare change he found.

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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How did the chewy cross the road ? it was stuck to the chickens foot.

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A man walks into a bar owned by horses. The bartender says, "Why the short face?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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