One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Justin Bieber walks into a bar, has a few drinks, chats with some fans, and leaves. The very next day, Justin Bieber is out buying groceries.

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what is the difference between the dead baby and the sandwich? i don't put my penis into the sandwich before i eat it.

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A man walks into a doctors office and waits for his turn. After his name was called he walked up to the doctor and told him that he kept having hallucinations. The doctor prescribed an antibiotic to help with the mans addiction to LSD.

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Yo mama so fat she at the rest of this joke.

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If you are reading this you are a nerd

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roses are red, violets are blue... thats what they tell me because im blind

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So I said to the man "That's no banana, thats my wife!"

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I like my women how I like my ice-cream Out cold.

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What's the difference between a goat and a cherry? You can't put a goat on top of your ice cream.

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A person affected by Alzheimer's is asked a knock knock question- Knock Knock Who's there? Boo Wait what are we doing again?

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Why did Hitler kill himslef? He saw his gas bills.

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Two muffins were in an oven. The first muffin says: 'It sure is hot in here!' The second muffin says: 'Why are they only cooking two muffins?'

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "Why the long face?" The horse's mother had terminal cancer

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I got shot in the balls now i'm pregnant?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To distract everyone from the Mexican.

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Q.Why did Bruno Mars marry the blond? A.Because it was a beautiful night and he was looking for something DUMB to do.

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Why did the boy fall? He got tackled by a man that was 400 pounds.

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Have you seen the newest starwars? What movie? I mean that episode where stars fight... Will Smith vs Keanu Reeves? I am talking about the stars in the sky firing at each other! You know, those star pilots on planes... Flown by Will Smith and Keanu Reeves? BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! (You heard that one in your head)

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How do you knock up a Catholic girl? Put your penis into her vagina without wearing a condom.

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Rylan Clark

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Q. What's yellow and sour? A. Not a banana

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John: what is blue and goes blub blub Phil; I don't know, what? John: a blue blub blub. What is green and goes blub blub Phil; a green blub blub John: no green blub blubs don't exist, what are you stupid?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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