What do lazy asses get for Christmas? Fat

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I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

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Q: What do you call a innocent black man that was shot 403 times by the cops when they asked for his ID and somehow assumed he was gonna reach for a gun? A: Deceased Texan.

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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Why is Short Circuit the best movie ever made? Because it tastes like lemons

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What's worse then getting followed by a creepy man in a van? Getting followed and raped by a creepy man in a van.

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what is funnier than a apple? a talking apple

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A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

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What's a green tasty vegetable? None, they're vegetables.

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so today, i was walking along, and i noticed that it was sunny outside.

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What did the driver have when he got hit by another car? An accident.

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How do you get a baby to stop crying Cut its head off

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chickens, roads, horses, bars,roses, violets, sally, knock, knock, fnord

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What color is the orange? Grey, I'm color blind.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Penis.

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What did the tooth brush say to the toothe paste? Minorities.

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whats brown and sticky? Doody

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What do you call a chicken with three eyes? One that flew over the cuckoo's nest.

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Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Only musicians will understand.

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What is black and blue, with nothing to do? The prostitute in my basement.

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A man walks into a bar. He has a nice drink and leaves.

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Why are black people afraid of chainsaws? Because chainsaws are powerful machines, capable of dismemberment and death when wielded by someone who wishes to cause harm

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whats funnier than throwing a baby off a cliff cathcing him at the bottom with a pitch fork

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why did the small boy drop his ice cream ? because he has no hands

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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