Q: What does a giraffe say to the other giraffes? A: Nothing, giraffes do not have vocal cords and are therefore unable to make any sounds, much less speak; not to mention a giraffes brain is far to underdeveloped to talk in a spoken language.

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How do you make a fake baby cry -Put batteries in it. How do you make a real baby cry? -Put batteries in it.

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In the movie "Sherlock Holmes". Why is Sherlock Holmes gay???? Because he was chasing "Blackwood".

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Man goes to the doctors, He waits patiently in the waiting room for nine minutes and is then called in to see the doctor for a routine check up. After seeing the doctor he picks up his sisters kid from school and carries on with his day.

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I took my sick iguana to the Vet. He said why did you bring him to me, a former soldier?

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Why did little Sally throw a stick of butter out the window? Sally has a burning hatred for dairy products.

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What happens to a banana after it gets sunburnt? It peels.

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just in case he gets a hole in one! -LEts Go Mets P.S the comment below is also very stupid

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What do you call a blackjack man driving a car? An average citizen.

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What's worse then the holocaust? Stepping on a lego.

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Roses are red, bushes are red, trees are red....i set your garden on fire.

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Roses? are red Violets are blue, Kangaroos like Oranges, Poems suck, Refrigerator.

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What did the award-winning physicist say to the community college graduate? I'll have Chicken McNuggets please.

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Are tomatoes more scary than onions? No. They are not more scary than onions.

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Now on breaking news!: Man found hanged upside down in a forest with 403 lethal knife-stabs in his back! Policeman: "We have concluded this is indeed the worst case of suicide ever"

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What did the black boy wear for Halloween? A costume.

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A ham sandwich walks into a bar, bartender says "We don't serve food here."

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how many shit jokes do you need to make before you realize that random does not equal funny? TOO FUCKING MANY

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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What do you call Metta World Peace after he has hit somebody? Metta World War.

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Why was six afraid of seven? A: He just does.

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What do you call a woman who can't walk? A paraplegic.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue,All you HATERS of J. Bieber, Go suck your MOTHER.

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A man asks his doctor if you can die from drinking to much water. The doctor replies 'Yes you can'

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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