A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face"? The horse does not respond, because it is a horse and lacks any cognitive ability to speak or understand English. Instead, it becomes confused by its surroundings, takes a dump on the floor, and gallops out of the bar knocking a few tables over in the process.

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Why did the duck cross the road? Because he was tired of the publicity his friend, the chicken was getting for crossing the road that he wanted to do it himself. Halfway across the duck was wistfully hit by a car and sadly, his story is lesser known and 99% of the people in this world really don't care about him. Thumbs up if you're that 1% that shows sympathy toward the duck.

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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A penguin is driving through the desert when his car breaks down. He has it towed to a service station in the nearest town to be repaired. The mechanic tells him that it may be a while so he might want to take a stroll around town, find something to do for a while and check back a little later for an update. The penguin decides that as it is so hot in the desert town, and he is accustomed to a much cooler climate, he might enjoy a bit of ice cream. He walks to the local ice cream parlor, orders a large vanilla cone, and proceeds to devour the treat in a flash, covering himself in ice cream in the process. He has ice cream on his flippers, his face, and all down his stomach; he is virtually covered in the white, sticky goo. Upon returning to the service station to check in on the mechanic and his car, the mechanic say to him, "Well, it looks like the seal on your head gasket leaked, the transmission is shot, and you appear to be covered in ice cream." To which the penguin replies, "Yes, I have made quite the mess of myself. Today just isn't my day."

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Any similarity between Jesse and a human is purely coincidental!

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wow, that guy is such a buzz-kill. worse than Buzz Killington!

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What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill? Here come the elephants over the hill.

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven's dad owned a shot gun.

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The Lord said to John: "Go forth and receive eternal life" But John went fifth... So he won a toaster

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Why did the boy fail math? He got bad grades.

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Don't chop the dinosaur daddy! OK.

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I need a sidecart on my motorcycle just for my diick

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Q. How many blondes does it take to put in a lightbulb? A. Cause of 7,8,9!

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A guy named M.C. walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "wheres the food?" The bartender says, " its in your stomach."

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How does a chubby baby eat his chili In a very chubby way with his hands smearing it all over is face

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What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

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What did the faggot say? Nothing, he shot himself due to high school bullying and rejecting parents.

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Q: Whats horny and likes your leg? A: My dog.

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What do you call a mother cow? Moooom

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Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

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What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

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Why did the balck man sit at the back of the bus? Because all the other seats were taken.

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Question: What do you call the black guy wearing a white shirt? Answer: Steve. His parents game him the name at birth, and he is called that ever since.

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What time is it? 2:47 PM.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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