Why did Sally fall off the swing? Why? Because she has no arms. Knock. Knock. Who's there? Not Sally

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats the difference between Qantas and Malaysia Airlines? Qantas only looses money.

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats a joke with no meaning? This one

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the Squirrel swim across the river upside down? To keep its nuts dry.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why don't you make like a tree, and get out of here.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

thumb_up thumb_down

An anti-Semite, a Jew and an American walked into the bar. The barman said: "Hi, Sara".

thumb_up thumb_down

If you had 4 oranges in one hand and 7 oranges in the other, what would you have? Really big hands.

thumb_up thumb_down

KNOCK! KNOCK! who knocks like that? all my friends break the door down...oh alright then ill answer i guess WHO IS IT? THE REAPER oh s*** dude! [panic face] NO ONES HOME? "In other news tonight, 2 local men found murdered in their living rooms, after looking up common joke style called antee joke. Police say the door was smashed in an obvious sign of forced entry. They seem to have just mysteriously had sudden heart attacks and fainted. heh heh...hey nancy....why did the chicken cross the road? [=< heh heh" "y" "because he thouroughly enjoyed darting out into traffic" "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA *GASP!* X.x dead face "NANCY! NANCY!.....well in other OTHER news ive just murdered nancy, and thats no joke." *runs*

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

thumb_up thumb_down

On Wednesday night, a drunk man was walking on the cliffs of dover. his funeral was saturday.

thumb_up thumb_down

So a Jew is walking on the street and he sees a penny, and he decides to pick it up because ever since the fire that killed his family and burned his house down he has been living on the street and he needs all the help he can get.

thumb_up thumb_down

What did the father say to his son, who incidently shot his brother while they were playing with a gun home alone? "It happens." He then hung himself.

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Why does the man smell so bad? A: He doesn't shower

thumb_up thumb_down

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

thumb_up thumb_down

Why does the Green Giant's vegetables taste funny? He stands over his peas and corn.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's greenish blue, smelly, and mushy? The fungus under my sink.

thumb_up thumb_down

Rebecca Black walked into a stadium. There were so many seats to choose from. But, she sat down in the nearest seat she could find and enjoyed the football game.

thumb_up thumb_down

How many dinosaurs does it take to fill a pool? I don't know and no one will know as they are extinct organisms

thumb_up thumb_down

whats the difference between boyscouts and a jew? boyscouts come back from camp.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's Hitler's favorite drink? Jews (meaning juice)

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: Do you know what's the no.1 cause of pedophellia? A: Sexy kids

thumb_up thumb_down

Q: What's worse than ten babies stapled to one tree? A: One baby stapled to ten trees.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's black and has ne education? A tire.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops