It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.

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A Black man is running down the street with a T.V. He just bought it with the money he is getting from his recent promotion to partner at a local Law firm. He is running because he had to park far away and wanted to get out of the rain.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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What is white and can't climb trees? Toothpaste.

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What did Rachel (the columbine girl) get for her birthday?? Nothing she's dead.

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A man is sitting on his couch. The lights go out and his TV begins to float away. He breaks down into tears believing he has been cursed for a crime he commited earlier.

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knock knock Whos there? (the boy who knocked proceeds to run away with laughter)

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What do you call an attractive woman in a blender? A very rare occurrence.

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Ed Milliband knows what's best for the UK.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping in Milwaukee? They woke him up.

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What did the strawberry say to the grape? Nothing, inanimate objects can't use verbal communication.

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What did Timmy's mom think of his art project? Nothing, she screamed and called an ambulance because she saw that he had tripped and fallin onto a pair of scissors and they just so happened to peirce his heart.

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Why did the pig cross the ocean? So he could be eaten by Americans.

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A man sits on the toilet to take a shit And is surprised to find the next door neighbours dog in the toilet.

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What's big, green, has 4 legs, and if it falls out of a tree will kill you? A pool table

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What did your mom get for christmas ? A stairstepper.

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Q: Why did the boy have blue balls? A: because the respectable girl with high self esteem refused to give him head.

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What does a Twihard, a Brony, a Belieber and a Gleek all have in common? They all ruin the Internet.

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dont you love porch monkeys? no.

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What is brown and smells bad? A white person that had been bathed in brown paint, and didn't shower for the next month, and rubbed poop all over them, and rubbed diarrhea all over them and rubbed rock poop all over them and rubbed pee all over them, and rubbed mud all over them, and pooped in a bottle.

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A cat walks into a bar. She belongs to the owner, so he gives her a saucer of milk.

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What do you say to a disabled man in a lift? Have a nice day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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