Jesse uses a prescription shampoo called " greasey poop" because he feels like his hair doesnt look greasy enough. He cries himself asleep every night because he wants a slim body like the rest of the cool kids, so he eats his pain away, which digs him an even deeper hole. the life of Jesse zigenbein is quite tragic to say the least. Please donate 10$ to the "eat ourselves to sleep" campaign

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A man buys some expensive lingerie for his wife on the occasion of their 10th wedding anniversary. After a lovely candlelight dinner at home, he tells her to close her eyes at which point he retrieves the gift box containing her anniversary present. Thoroughly exited, she rips open the box and takes out the beautiful garment, holding it up to the light in wide-eyed amazement. Her husband gives her a suggestive wink and says "would you like to join me in the bedroom to try it on?" To which she replies, "I AIN'T YER WHORE!"

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What do you get when you mix 5 bottles of beer, a bottle of vodka, 3 glasses of red wine, and 15 jello shots? Alcohol poisoning.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench is nonsentient, generally heavier and not necessarily light-dark brown colored, whereas the black man is fully capable of thinking and usually has dark toned skin.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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God hates fags, no...god i'snt real

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Little boy: Daddy, daddy, I know what i want for Christmas! Dad: Oh really? and whats that? Little boy: I want a bicycle! Dad: Why my son? You are already on a wheelchair...

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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What's the difference between a pelican? 28, because elephants have 4 legs.

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Roses are red violets are blue monkeys like you belong in the zoo but don't be afraid I'll be there to that in the cage but laughing at you

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There is a horse sitting at a bar, and the bartender says MOTHER OF GOD!! What is this horse doing in here?!

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Knock, Knock! Who`s there? Your mama`s stupid! Your mama`s stupid who? Your mama`s stupid as a rock! I` m going to cut your eyes out and use them as baseballs!

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HA HA HA HA HAHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHYHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA - Bomber

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm bad at poetry Show me your titties

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What did the man on the moon say? Nothing. He died because his supply of oxygen ran out.

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Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? No, we can't.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, I killed your family, and now i'm coming after you.

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What's the difference between cancer and my grandmother? She doesn't have cancer.

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Why was Joe afraid of Steve? Because Steve raped and killed all of Joe's three children two weeks ago.

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Why is the dog in the driver seat? Why is there birds making you filet mignon? Why is your toe blue? I don't know the answer. Go talk to your doctor

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Why did the teenager take a shower? Because she was brutally raped by a serial rapist and felt dirty. Unfortunately for her, she was unaware that she was washing off the prints from her body and the rapist was never found

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What do you call a deer in the wild? a deer

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What did the terrorist get for Christmas? A bullet in his head.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, others don't

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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