HELP!!! I locked myself in my bathroom and can't get out! my laptop is running out of batteries!

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What is black and white, and red all over? I don't know that's why I was asking.

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How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She didn't use enough sunscreen.

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…What did you put in the drink that made me fart, and kill my horse?

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What did Hitler say when he was dying? He said, "I'm dying."

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If you see a person falling down your balcony, Say cya later!

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why couldnt the baby walk through the door? because it had a javeline through its head.

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why was the baby crying? cause his abusive father broke his arm.

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What did the banana say to the apple? We're fruity.

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Roses are red violets are blue I have five fingers the middle one is for you.

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Doctor, doctor, i feel like a pair of curtains. Well I'm going to refer you to a mental institute and forward this meeting to a specialist due to the schizophrenic attitude and belief you have. However, I will have to ask you to come back in tomorrow or later today for further tests as to why you feel this way. This is highly abnormal and should be fixed immediately. Another further concerns please contact me asap.

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Yo mamma is so fat that she can fit through a skinny doorway. Actually, yo mamma isn't fat at all, but rather a normal sized woman secure in her weight.

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So a jelly bean walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "whatchuu doin here jelly bean" the jelly bean doesn't respond and sits there awkwardly because he neither speaks English nor has the brain capacity to move or breathe. The bartender closes the store and comes back the next day to find the bean in the same awkward position.

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What do you call an arab with a beard? How cares what his name is just shoot him!

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What's the difference between your momma and a bucket of shit? Well, for starters your mother and a bucket of shit aren't even made of the same physical structure, and secondly, your mother is sentient while a bucket is not.

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How did the black kid get in school? By taking the bus.

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Michael Jackson walks into a bar No he doesn't. He's dead.

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What do gamers call an abortion on quintuplets? PENTAKILL!!!

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Q. What has 5 chins, 10 eyes, 10 feet, and 50 fingers? A. Five People.

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What did the boy say to the elders at the senior center? Dayum, you're all ugly!

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender asks what he'd like to drink. The man pulls out his gun, shoots the surprised bartender, and proceeds to execute all the patrons of the bar and finally commit suicide. A post-mortem identification of the man identifies him as a victim of childhood sexual abuse and a diagnosed schizophrenic. There is a nice funeral for all the victims and the media respectfully minimizes exposure of the event.

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Why did Johnny throw the clock out the window? His parents are never around to supervise him.

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Why did the boy chuck a fridge at the other boy? Because he broke his toy train.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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