Q: There is an Elf King, King Kong, and Godzilla all on the empire state building. Which one jumps first? A: None, because none of them exist.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful business man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Little molly says she wants to have a baby when she grows up because her little baby brother died of ta-sacs 6 months after birth.

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What did the clock say to the book? I have no batteries.

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A blond and his wife were in the hospital expecting their first child together. The wife gives birth to twins and the husband turns to her and says, "I can't believe we had twins. I'm so happy!"

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What did the depressed teenage fat kid do to resolve his issues? Commited suicide.

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Why can't Hellen Keller watch Spongebob? She doesn't have the proper cable service

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What shouldn't you say to a dementia patient? You already said that.

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Q: Why was the boy sad? A: An Elephant was sitting on his face

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what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

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A man is boarding a plane. The attendant asks if he has a passport. The man says no, and leaves.

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Why was the boy laughing at Sally? Because Sally was a man

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Why was the baby crying? He had just witnessed his parent gets brutally murdered.

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What`s that CREAM that comes out of you when your mom puts a WHIP on you with a switch? WHIP CREAM!

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What do a priest, a rabbi, and an asian have in common? They all don't know each other.

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What do you call a man with no arms? Richard, as that is his name.

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Is Barack Obama a dentist, a teacher, or the president of the United States? A dentist. He just happens to have the same name as the president.

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Q: what did Don Draper do after he saw an attractive woman at the ABC store? A: went home and thought about her while drinking his scotch.

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Why is bobsledding the coolest sport? Because this is my subjective opinion.

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Why didn't the chef serve the black guy his food? Because he wasn't a waitor.

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What do you get when you cross a baby and a chainsaw? Life imprisonment.

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What's funny about cheese? Nothing.

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why was the teenage girl crying? She was molested as a child

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whats better then a pile of dead babies? 2 piles of dead babies

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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