If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Jason. Jason who? The person who is answering the door hears a chainsaw start up and suddenly realizes that Jason is the murderer from Friday the Thirteenth. The person goes and gets their shotgun, ready to blast Jason's head of when he breaks in.

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2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

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Why did the pirate get kicked out of the pirate movie? He killed 7 people while looking for treasure under the seats.

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I needed to write an article about heart disease so I did some research. I learned a lot.

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roses are red violets are blue i have aids and so do you happy valentines day!

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? a fish:)

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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A white man went to the basketball court to play basketball and was confronted by a group of black men. They kindly invited the white man to play basketball with them and they had a nice day

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What has two legs? Half a cat

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what would Michael jakson do if he was alive? scream and hit the top of his coffin

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Q. What's the difference between a duck? A. An orange.

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What do you call a two headed platypus? Go ask him, I'm sure he has a name.

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Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub. One polar says to the other, "Pass the soap please." And the other polar bear says, "No soap, radio!"

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What did the asian say to the President of the United States? I don't speak English

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Rosees are red Violets are blue I have schizophrenia and I do too

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Knock Knock Who's There The police, your under arrest.

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Four blonds are driving to Disneyworld. They got in a crash and died.

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What do you call Jake Morter? Jake Morter

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Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? POMEGRANITES.

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What did the homeless man get for Christmas? I don't know, why don't you go ask him?

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I hated hipsters before hating hipsters was mainstream. Does that make it sound like I have a fixed gear bicycle? Because I don't... I promise... What's a fixed gear bicycle, you ask? You mean you don't know???

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A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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