A pirate walks into a bar with a wheel on his crotch, and the bartender says, "What's that?" and the pirate says, "A deadly tumor."

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Why does Charlie Sheen do cocaine? Because his father was a poor role model and he's an unstable celebrity.

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Twelve people are in a plane. One of them says: "Man, we really are not so many in this plane" Another one replies: "It's because it's a 12 seats plane." Another says: "Do 12 seats planes even exist?" Another one answers: "Of course they do." Another person says: "Guys, are we even flying?" Someone says: "I don't know" Another says: "Yes, we're flying, look out the window." Another says: "I have cancer." Someone reacts: "Oh, I'm really sorry for you" Another: "Yes, me too" Someone adds: "It's really terrible" Another says: "Has science made any progress recently?" The plane crashes.

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Dont listen to your heart all it dose is BEAT BEAT BEAT

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A guy is taking a pee in the ocean and a fish swims up and drinks the pee. The fish says "thanks for the lemonade."

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Light travels faster than sound, thats why people look smart until they talk.

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Doesn't matter, had sex. Except for the STD's I possibly contracted.

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Your mamas so fat that she went to the doctor and he said she has a very high case of diabetes so now she's trying to excerise more and watching what she eats.

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why did the girl chug her tub of frosting? she had no spoon

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what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

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did you hear about the guy who got his left leg and left arm cut off? he's all right now

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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-Whats this? -Anti-Jokes.. -Theyre not funny

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A man walks into a bar. He drinks heavily and dies of alcohol poisoning.

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There is a blonde, Santa and Jesus. Someone throws a million dollars on the ground who picks it up? Me because I shot them

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Whats black and white and red all over? Genital Warts...

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A doctor tells a woman he needs to take her rectal temperature. The woman tells the doctor "That's not my rectum." The doctor promptly apologizes and conducts the rest of the check up.

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How do you earn a bunch of money all at once? Walk into Hot Topic and say "I have knives for sale!"

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whats worse then getting a bad present on your birthday? dying.

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"Doctor, Doctor, Help I feel like a pair of curtains" "I've got some cream for that".

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An old man walks across the street. Several cars start to honk in irritation, for they are in a hurry and the man is walking quite sluggishly.

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why did the boy drop his icecream?? he got hit by a bus

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Q. Why did the child's mother tell him to clean his room? A. Because his room was messy.

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You: "Ask me if im an astronaut. " Them: "R u an astronaut?" You: "No. "

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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