I don't know about the rest of you, but I HATE funerals.

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A man walks into a bar with an octopus. He tells the bartender that his octopus can play any instrument. The bartender gives the octopus bag pipes. The octopus fiddles with the bag pipes but can't seem to play them. The man gives the bag pipes back to the bartender and leaves with his octopus. He is quite embarassed and decided to get bagpipe lessons for his octopus.

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Why was i sad when 4 black people in a cadillac fell over a cliff. The car blew up...

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What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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Whats the difference between a black baby and a white baby? 15 minutes in the oven.

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What did Michael Jackson say to the little boys before they came to his house? Get on the ferris wheel

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilate was a loaf of bread.

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Your mother's so fat she occupies more space than a thin person does and is more likely to bump into environmental objects.

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What happens to a fish with no fin on the right side? It repeatedly swims in circle.

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Whats white and sticky? Glue.

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I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then I got stabbed.

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So, there's a black man, an Asian man and an Irishman who are in a bar, politely discussing wether the Asian's phone would break if it was thrown from a plane in the Pacific Ocean. The black man says "Of course it would break." The Irishman says "I have no opinion on this..." The Asian man says "I think it would break, you are right John." Suddenly, a man enters.

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What do you call a guy who stabs cereal? A cereal killer.

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Why did the blonde walk into a glass wall? Because she either wasn't watching where she was going or the wall was so clean that it appeard not to be there

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What happens when the hydro goes out for 1 second? 1 minute? 1 hour? 1 day? 1 month? 1 year? -1.8 people die. 105 people die. 6,306 people die. 151,338 people die. 4,603,198 people die. 55,238,376 people die. Aw shit, then you have to take account for how many people die of starvation :\, and the ones who froze to death, and the ones who died from heat stroke, And the ones who died of Alzheimers.

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Q: Why did Robin Williams kill himself? A: Because he was jealous of all the attention that Phillip Seymour Hoffman was getting.

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What's purple, blue, red, orange, yellow and green. A rainbow .

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there were two cyclists cycling down a main road in china at exactly the same time and exactly the same pace, one being chinese and the other irish. why did the irish man get stopped and the chinese man not? because the irish man had in fact raped and murdered a young child in his native home town and then fled the country to china.

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**** *** *** ****** *** ** *** ***? ***** I bet you wish you could read that joke. It was **** hilarious.

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Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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Why couldn't the morbidly obese man get on a cruise ship? He didn't have a ticket.

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Why did t chicken cross the road? To get to your house. Knock, knock. Who's there? The chicken

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why was little timmys mother so upset on mothers day? Because he had been abducted earlier that week

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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