A panhandler came up to me today and said he hadn't had a bite in weeks, so I gave him some change.

thumb_up thumb_down

Yo momma's so fat, that she got baptised in Sea World.

thumb_up thumb_down

whats worse than getting eaten by a bear a bear getting eaten by a squirrel who ate you too.

thumb_up thumb_down

An alligator was found wearing a vest. The investigator had no comment... As alligators are incapable of speech. ^^^

thumb_up thumb_down

Why is Osama dead? He got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's funny about a black person, a Jew, and a mexican's graves being side by side? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBSSSSSSSS!

thumb_up thumb_down

Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than ants in your pants? Uncles.

thumb_up thumb_down

What do you call a black man? Rob

thumb_up thumb_down

whats the difference between a baby and an onion? no one cries when u chop up a baby.

thumb_up thumb_down

What's the different between a blond and a brunette? Blondes taste better when cut into small pieces and fried in a skillet.

thumb_up thumb_down

Your mamas so stupid, her IQ is lower than the average person of her age group.

thumb_up thumb_down

A plane crashes on the border of the U.S. and Canada, where were the deceased buried? It turns out that there were passengers of several different nationalities on board, all of which were buried in their respective homelands.

thumb_up thumb_down

A Muslim, a Buddhist, and a Christian are on a plain. They have to jump off for some reason. The Muslim straps a bomb to his chest, jumps out of the plain, and screams "AHLA AKBAH"!!!! The Buddhist jumps out and says save me heavenly Buddha. A giant golden hand catches him and lightly places him on land. The Christian says "aw hell with this" and jumps out, then says "save me heavenly Buddha". The giant golden hand places him down gently on land. The Christian then says "thank god". The giant golden hand comes back down and kills him.

thumb_up thumb_down

...and the rabbit says, "How 'bout that schnitzel!"

thumb_up thumb_down

What's worse than finding a spider hidden in your sheets? The spiders being followers of the devil then sucking out your soul and giving it to the devil while your body gets stretched and you die a very painful death.

thumb_up thumb_down

Why did the man die when he saw the light? It was a strobe light and he died from an epileptic seizure

thumb_up thumb_down

Whats worse than a baby crying on a plane. 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down

Your mom is so ugly that you should buy her a paper bag to cover her face because she is just so very unattractive that it burns mine and everyone else's eyes.

thumb_up thumb_down

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.” The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?” The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”

thumb_up thumb_down

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down

Holy Fish Sticks Batman! Batman and Robin were at a church and saw a priest eating fish sticks.

thumb_up thumb_down

You wanna hear a joke? Your dick.

thumb_up thumb_down

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops