Ol-ive

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A woman who lived alone with her parrot left her apartment to run to the store, forgetting that a plumber was scheduled to come and fix her sink. A few minutes later, the plumber arrived and knocked on the door. The parrot inside called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, "it's the plumber. I've come to fix the sink." The plumber waited for a bit and, seeing that nobody was coming to the door, knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber replied, a little more loudly, "it's the plumber! I've come to fix the sink!" Again the plumber waited. After a few more minutes, he knocked again. The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber yelled, as loudly as he could, "IT'S THE PLUMBER! I'VE COME TO FIX THE SINK!" Still, nobody came to the door. The plumber banged the door repeatedly, The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?" The plumber screamed "IT'S...THE...PLUMBER!!! I'VE...COME...TO...FIX...THE...SIIIIIIINK!!!" and then, consumed with rage, clutched his chest and fell over dead from a stress-induced heart attack. A few minutes later, the woman returned home and, while opening her door, noticed the plumber lying dead in her hallway. She looked at her parrot and asked, "Who is it?" The parrot called out, "WHO IS IT?"

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Why did sally fall off the swing? Because her grandfather hit her with a wrench.

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Q: why did Suzy fall off the swing? A: she had no arms. Knock knock! Who's there? Not Suzy.

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One day... Jack: Good morning Ben: Good morning The End.

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What is white, black, and red all over? A: A zebra being slaughtered.

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Sometimes you have to stop and smell the roses. Unless they are next to the trashcan where you put your little sisters diapers

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if your having girl problems i feel bad for you son, i don't have any.

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Why did the chicken go cluck cluck oh baby yeah balloon your mama oops did kangaroo say? I had sex with your wife and stole your car keys.

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Why wasn't Susie happy? because she was raped by her grandfather.

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Why was the white man chosen for the job over the black guy? He had more work experience and was clearly the better suited applicant.

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Who didn't let the gorilla into the ballet? The people who were in charge of that decision.

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I like my coffee the way I like Christina Aguilera - I don't.

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In Soviet Russia, people commonly suffered under the might of the communist juggernaut. It was unpleasant.

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whats the difference between a brick wall and a jew? jews wear yamakas

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What benefits came from the September 11th attacks? None. It was one of the most horrific tragedies in American History

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Whats black and white and red all over? A chopped up dalmation...

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A man drives down the road in a van that says "Candy" He was doing his job in a professional manner

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What did the black man do for his science project Which is better homemade or colonel sanders?

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why are black people scared of chain saws? because it goes runnigganigganiggarunnigganigganigga

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Knock Knock! Who's there? The doctor. You have aids.

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Why did the nun cry? 12 babies were killed under her care.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Does this rag smell Like chloroform to you?

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I woke up this morning and ran five miles. I am proud of myself for engaging in such a healthy lifestyle.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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