A baby walks into a bar, not long before it leaves out of the bar.

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What's do you call a prostitute in a hospital? A concerned parent.

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A man walks into a bar. On the way home, he is driving, careers off the road and crashes. Lesson here. Don't walk into poles

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Roses are red My balls are blue Get off Unless You want too

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what do a pizza and a jew have in common? they both burn in an oven

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What do you call a black man at KFC? A customer.

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Know knock Who's there The fat lady off her medicine ball Call 000

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How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? Spray paint it blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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What's worse than a worm in your apple? Thats a matter of opinion

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Hot Lady: What do you do for a living? Guy: Phosphorus, Oxygen, and Radon. Hot Lady: So you are a chemist? Guy: Think again! Think about Acronyms... Hot Lady: OPRa, so Opera correct? Guy: (Obviously talking to a Blonde) P, O, Rn Hot Lady: So, you are a chemistry teacher! Guy: (Sighs to himself thinking how PORn relates to chemistry. Which it does in biochemistry, but he does not know that).

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Knock knock. Whose There? Megan Megan Who? Your Wife...

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A moose walks into a store, walking up to an employee he says "Where are the potatoes?" The employee replies "Isle 5." The moose thanks the employee and heads off to find Isle 5. Upon reaching isle 5- he finds no potatoes.

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Hellen keller

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Anti deep thoughts, by Fabian Monge'. The other day while parked at a stop light i was looking in the rear view mirror at the person who was blowing his horn at me. I then realized that while i was looking back at him the light had been green for a while. I then thought that i had better drive forward because i was holding up traffic, and that it was very selfish of me to waste other peoples time like that while wondering what was going on behind me instead of what was happening in front of me. In the time it took for me to come to this conclusion, i had wasted another few seconds of someones time. How very selfish of me.....

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What's the difference a ham and bugs bunny? -When I see a ham on the dinner table, I eat it. When I see bugs bunny on the dinner table and asks me "what's up, doc?" I stay away from sugar for a while and get tested for heroin

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Q: What did the donkey say to the man? A: "Hello there, sir." it was later discovered the man was tripping on the hallucinogen LSD. Later on the man plummeted to his death after being convinced that he was a pterodactyl, and jumping off of a cliff.

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Ask me if I'm a tree? Are you a tree? No.

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A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says "Show me it's true what they say about black men". So he reveals a big penis and they have sex there and then.

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What did the black man do when he saw a bike sitting on the sidewalk? He took it into the shop paid for it and rode off feeling good about how hes helping the environment.

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Why wasn't the woman happy when she gave birth? Because she was thrown into a pool of semen 9 months ago.

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Why did the donkey cross the road? To get to your house. Knock Knock. Who's there? Heehaw!

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Totsie Roll totsie pop? Altough many tests have been done, there still isn't a certain number. There are many variables involved with this question.

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whats worse then finding a worm in your apple? finding two worms in your apple

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FORTY SECONDS!!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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