A young penguin walks into a bar with tears streaming down his face. "Whats wrong with you?" asks the barman. "I've lost my Dad", says the Penguin. The barman asks, "What's he look like?"

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What did helen keller say when she saw a talking horse? nothing. because she didn't see the horse and they also cannot talk.

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When did the War of 1812 begin? 1963.

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I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

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A Chinese man, a Mexican man, and an American man are all on a plane in-flight when the pilot screams over the intercom, "We are two pounds over weight! The plane is going down unless you all throw off useless things that have no value in your countries!" The Chinese man throws out a pair of chopsticks and an egg roll and says, "I have too many of those in my country." The Mexican does the same with a taco and sombrero, repeating, "I have too many of those in my country." The American looks around his items pondering what things are too common in the USA. He locks his eyes on the Mexican. The other passengers are shocked as the American throws off a hamburger and a football.

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One day, an Irishman, a Jew and an American were walking home from a long game of golf. "God, that was a long game" said the American, to which the Irishman replied "aye, that it was." The Irishman then turned to the Jew, and asked him how he managed to get two birdies in succession. The Jew, after a moment of deliberation, began to explain. "Well, it all began when I was six. See, there was a mountain right next to Casparia, the village I lived for most of my life back in Wales. Every day, I'd come back from school, and ask my dad why nobody ever attempted to scale the mountain. 'To do so would be an unnecessary risk, son, and people are too busy working to put food and water on the tables for their families to undertake something so foolish.' One night, when insomnia was getting the better of me, I decided to get a better look at the mountain, so I strapped on my boots, my fur coat and some woolly mittens and left for the mountain. After a few hours of walking, I approached the closest hill which gave me a perfect view of the mountain's first peak, and there I spotted a polar bear, mauling a hiker to death." The Jew paused to check the Irishman and the American were following, when the American spoke up; "hold on there, there aren't any polar bears in Casparia!" The Irishman also spoke up; "there isn't even a village called Casparia, well, anywhere!" The Jew smiled slightly, and a few seconds later the smile broke out into a gigantic grin, and he finally replied: "exactly".

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jumping jelly beans theirs a snake in my booties,, ooooooo har har ya ya youve got that one thing baby peace love and applesauce baby!!!!1

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Why did the horse stop runnIng? His master beat him to death.

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So, my friend David hasn't always been the sharpest tool in the shed. After all, he is a spoon.

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What's the difference between a guy who sees the glass half empty and a guy who sees the glass half full? The first guy is happier because his tables tip more than the second guy's.

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What's black, white & red all over? A cow in a slaughter house.

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Why did the man get fired from his Job? The boss became his ex girlfriend 2 minutes ago

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Hobos are like Obama they want change.

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Roses are cheap Violets are on sale It's Boxing Day Please buy my flowers I really need the cash.

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What is Hellen Keller's favorite TV show? She doesn't have one - She is blind and deaf.

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What worse than stubbing your toe? Getting raped by a panda.

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What do you get when you cross a black guy and a keyboard? A black guy punctured by a keyboard

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Q: Whats worst then losing your wallet? A: Giving birth to a dead baby.

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Why did the skeleton not get invited to the party? because he was dead

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What happen to the guy who stole the TV. He runs away as he fears the person that stoled his/her TV reports him/her to the police.

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Whats the difference between dinosaurs and skittles? Dinosaurs were killed out hundreds of thousands of years ago when skittles on the other hand are sugery candy that people eat when they are craving a sweet treat

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What is the difference between a duck? One leg is both the same.

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What do you call an old man in his underwear with a bag of pepper on his back while licking pebbles off the sidewalk? Senile.

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Knock Knock. Shut up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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