a horse walks into an abandoned lighthouse , the lighthouse keeper is angered by this and ushers the horse to leave but the horse gets startled and kicks the mans bookshelf over before galloping away

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the Chicken say to the Interviewer Interviewer: how do you feel about your eggs chicken: the eggs are actually my periods. Interviewer: how do you feel about your periods ChicKen: you eat my periods everyday. people make cakes, omlettes and all these food out of my period. Imagine the world running on your period. Interviewer: what are your feelings on your periods Chicken: I have a mixture of feelings. i feel really scared because the farmers would kill me if i can have my periods. i feel glorified because the world runs on my eggs and i feel proud. I feel freaked out because the world actualy runs on my periods

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A poor boy receives his first wrapped present in his entire life. Why did he hate it so much? Because it was a copy of "Mien Kampf" Is he Jewish? No, he actually does know what "Mien Kampf" is because he is poor and cannot read.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Yes

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I ordered the "Anti-Joke" book Jk, waste of money

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Person 1:Did you hear the joke about the cat, the camera, and the pancakes? Person 2: No, I haven't. Person 1: Oh, that's too bad. Person 1 then gets up and walks into a refrigerator.

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I would tell you a joke about a broken pencil, but it's pointless.

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Why did the retarded guy follow the 7 year old? Because he's a stalker.

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Excuses are like assholes: Gay men like to have sex with them.

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I was walking down the street the other day And I pushed a child under a bus

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Whats invisable and smells like a apple? An invisable apple

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Q. Why were the children sad? A. They'd just been abducted by a dodgy old man in a van.

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Why did the man die? Supercalifragilisticexpialidosious

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Why does a new mother have big jugs? Her baby died of Sudden infant death syndrome.

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What's black, white, and red all over? Numerous different objects because many different things can posses a variety of colors, including the ones listed above.

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Two cows were in a feild, one said "moo" and the other said "i was going to say that!"

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What do you get when ned puts toast in the toaster? A fucking massive sperm whale.

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I'm on the Seafood Diet. I eat seafood to replace fatty red meats, in conjunction with fruit and vegetables.

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Why did the cow hail a taxi? Because cows can't drive.

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One man walks on a bridge, another man sees him but doesn't really care about him.

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Its a sunny day. There's a tree and a bird. What did they say to each other? --------------------------------------------------- Nothing they can't talk.

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Jimmy's mom: Jimmy go do your chores now!! Jimmy: You shut your mouth, whore. Get your smelly ass back in the kitchen!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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