charlie sheen becomes sober.

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Why did the house stink? There were decomposing bodies under the floor boards.

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What's that Lassie? Timmy fell in the well again? And you couldn't care less because the stupid kid never looks where he's going?

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An incoming freshman introduces himself to his Ethics professor by saying, "What's up?" To which the professor responds, "You should never end a sentence with a preposition." The freshman, who is both clever and witty, quickly responds to his future Professor, saying: "Professor, I practice linguistic description, such that I observe language objectively in a way that does not adhere strictly to grammatical and syntactic dogma". The professor, surprised by the student's philosophical disposition, engages the student in a highly constructive dialogue about the philosophy of language, from which both the student and teacher learn more about each other and themselves.

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Knock Knock Who's there May I come in? May I come in who? . . .What's wrong with you can I come in or not?

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What's love like? Some people say it's like a lotus flower, others say it's like an orchid... Personally I'd like to say it's like a fire at the bottom of you're soul-- like when people sin and go to hell... that fire burns forever???

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Yo mama is so old, she might die soon! - Louis

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What happens when you walk around with a kick me sign on your back? you get punched in the face. How are you supposed to know it says kick, you cant see your own back.

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Chuck Norris has a chin under his beard.

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Bob: Oh, there was a big surfing competition in Hawaii. Bill: that's really cool. Bob: yeah, there were huge waves up to 53 feet. Bill: Awesome! Bob: Yeah there was a Japanese guy that won. Bill: Wow, that will bring up the spirits of japan. Bob: Yeah, but he got disqualified. Bill: No, how?!?! Bob: he was surfing on his dresser.

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roses are red violets are blue bullets are lead now i shoot you

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Billy was taking a stroll in the forest, when suddenly he met a bear. Billy remember what his father had taught him, and quikly lied down on the ground, pretending to be dead. The bear started licking Billy's face. Still he remained calm. The bear bit off Billys finger. Still he did not move. When the bear ate Billy's foot, he nearly panicked. But thinking of his wife and children he mustered his last remaining strenght, and did not move a muscle. If he tried to run or fight the bear he would surely die and never see them again. Then the bear ate Billys head.

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What do you call an asian plumber? A plumber.

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There once was a man from Duluth who's never did rhyme. They were often too short.

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i dont care if you rate me or not

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Roses Are Blue I Have A Gun And Ill Sout You!

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Which is the smallest? A. Jupiter B. Whale C. Cow D. Bracelet Answer: D

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A black guy and a Hispanic guy are in a car together. Who's driving? The black guy.

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How do you make a hormone? Modify bacteria using recombinant DNA technology.

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what did the boy in the blue hat do? wear his blue hat

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How many alzheimers patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? To get to the other side

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Why did the woman drown in the bathtub? Her husband was holding her under.

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During english, we started talking about Attention Deficit Disorder when... OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH SHINY... wait what were we talking about

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What did Stephen Hawking say to the prostitute? A several garbled and mostly inaudible comment that she could not understand.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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